Staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown could be suffocating and frustrating. How do you deal with your difficult in-laws during the time of isolation?
In the present scenario, when everybody is at home together, it is very obvious that you will be observed for even the minutest of the flaws and then the series of taunting, snide remarks will begin. Things like these affect our state of mind in daily life.
We feel saturated after a while and lose the energy to carry on. Why is staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown so challenging? Let us discuss this in the blog.
What are the challenges of staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown?
This complete lockdown has given a lot of time to overthink, find flaws in others, nit-picking, and constant bickering over small and petty issues. It turns the atmosphere of the whole house nasty and very toxic. It has even triggered a lot of underlying issues that we were hesitant to discuss before due to our busy lives and have now surfaced during this lockdown.
Even without the lockdown, it is overwhelming to live with in-laws who create problems in our life so just imagine when you are completely locked in your house with them with no fresh air to breathe, it is definitely going to take a toll on your peace of mind. So what could be the most common challenges people are facing while staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown, here are a few to mention:
| 1.) No privacyWith everyone staying together and around you guys, the couple of times is gone somewhere down the rug. With so much stress and tension even if you want to spend some quiet time with your spouse, it becomes really difficult in the presence of such toxic in-laws who will not give you a little space for yourself. I have heard husbands getting angry over this. As all the time wives are either in the kitchen or doing some of the other work, they hardly get to spend time together. |
| 2.) Constant bickeringWhen everyone is at home just imagine the circus. Especially if you are staying in a joint family it is another level. They will notice everything you do and pinpoint all your flaws. The food you make, the way you clean the house as they have absolutely nothing else to do so you are your only target, this leaves you frustrated and you cannot even go out for a walk to breathe some fresh air. |
| 3.) Limited helpHave you ever come across a happy home where a mother in law and daughter in law are working in sync? 98% of the time it is the daughter in law who has to bear all the burden of work. A chauvinist father in law will sit with his newspaper waiting for his other cup of tea and a mother in law will be taunting her daughter in law for work she missed. A common scene in a joint family or maybe worse. Then managing kids and finding ways to keep them engaged, how is it possible with limited help or no help at all? |
| 4.) Increased workloadDue to the COVID-19 pandemic when we have restricted maids to enter our house and everybody is at home, the workload is bound to double. Too much stress and so many things to manage. For some who are working from home, they have to manage kids, and family is so much tedious task to do daily. Instead of help they get taunts, remarks, comments, and complaints, women end up exhausted, men end up stressed. The whole atmosphere of the house becomes stale. |
| 5.)Lack of empathyIt doesn’t matter if you live in a posh villa or a small hut, the house is made up of bricks and cement, and it’s the people living inside the house who beautifies it. It is the vibes, the energy of the house which attracts harmony and peace. A woman or man is working alone, trying to fulfil all the duties, working alone is bound to get tired and frustrated, extending a little help costs too much to you rego? How can you digest the food and then complain about the taste when you are so incapable of even making a cup of tea and feeding yourself? Lack of empathy leads to a rise in sadness and anger in the sufferer. |
How do we deal with in-laws during the lockdown?
Do you know what causes stress in daughters in law? The complete negligence of their existence. They are abandoned right from the day they enter her in-las house, she is constantly reminded of how she is an outsider in the house and comes from a family who knows nothing, who is a no match to their superiority. Forget about the lockdown, how to survive with such in-laws even on normal days? Staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown and dealing with them in five effective ways:
| 1.) CommunicateIf the increased workload has become overbearing for you, yell. Communicate and make yourself heard. Most of the time it happens that we slog ourselves in frustration and it starts affecting us badly, it’s not that your toxic mother in law will come to you running for help, but it is your duty to communicate your capacities, that you need help and keep your anger aside. Take a deep breath and try to talk to her, tell her that you need help to keep things running in this tough time. |
| 2.) Allot workIt is not too much to ask for, if you divide a few tasks among other family members, no one feels burdened and the majority of tasks still remain with you but it should be manageable. Allot of work between family members, not everyone will come around but try a different approach like a temporary adjustment till things get back to normal. Maybe someone will come around and help you. |
| 3.) Maintain distanceStaying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown? Stay away. Even though we all are stuck at home together and have to face everything try to maintain some probable distance with your in-laws. Engage yourselves with your kids, do some decluttering, and some wardrobe arrangements, and just keep yourself busy with other activities which will divert your attention from their behaviour. |
| 4.) Involve your spouseMost of the husbands do not contribute to household chores due the social conditioning and patriarchal beliefs. It becomes very hard to convince them to help and sometimes even when they want to help you they refrain because of the fear of parents. To avoid unnecessary drama, in the end, you are the one who suffers because of the lack of support. Just try to involve him and seek some help. |
| 5.) Don’t expect muchWhen nothing works, just fulfil all your duties and do not forget to breathe in between. Staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown? Constantly remind yourself that you are doing your best in your capacity and you have nothing to prove to others. How in-laws treat you is their problem and not yours. Just allow all the negative thoughts to pass and maintain your composure. You will be fine. |
Five ways to stay sane during the lockdown
Lockdown? How did it happen to us? The thought itself is so worrisome and other tensions like financial security, job security, children’s school, and ten other things already keep us occupied, and then to top it we have our nasty in-laws who have to make a mountain of a molehill. How to stay sane amid the lockdown and let not this pandemic affect our inner state?
How to keep our kids well-informed and aware of the lockdown? How do we regain our lost space? If you are staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown, here are five things for you to avoid. Well, the ratio of women is obviously more here but I feel since this is the testing time for all of us, I don’t want to sound gender-specific with the amount of stress everybody is dealing with in the given situation, so here we go:
| 1.) Avoid argumentsDo not pick up fights with your spouse and your family members. We are not habitual of staying with our own people for so long and now we are together sometimes we feel so full that we want to escape outside. But turning inside is better than going out at this moment. Instead, take this as an opportunity to re-kindle your relationships. |
| 2.) Avoid negative newsMinimize content overload, and avoid negative news and information. Do not discuss the same coronavirus in a house with your family members all the time. Talk about things you love and I am sure coronavirus cannot be one. Take time to connect with your parents, your spouse, and your children. You will never ever get this time again. |
| 3.) Avoid heavy mealsEat, in small portions, not because you will gain weight but when there is less movement and your body is inactive, your whole body tends to slow down leading to boredom. Drink a lot of water, focus on eating fruits and salads too, and food which will build your immunity. This is the time to nurture yourself. The ones who complain that we don’t get time to look after ourselves, this is the time. |
| 4.) Avoid lethargyThe biggest thief in your life. It will at away all the possible beautiful moments from your life. Please get up and do something daily. There is a lot you can do sitting inside your house, from I do not mean you make another TikTok video, well if it helps, go ahead 🙂 However, there are a lot of activities you can do from home which will keep you engaged. |
| 5.) Avoid boredomPlease don’t wake up feeling bored, oh another day of lockdown is such a bad way to start a day. What are the faults of the sun and the arts, they welcome you every day with their arms open and wide. They don’t care if the entire world is lockdown and nothing can dim its light then why do we allow it to happen to ourselves? Be grateful for little things in life and wake up with a smiling face, stroke a kiss on your spouse’s cheeks, hug your children, and smile at your parents, you will automatically change the mood of the house. |
Breathe in and breathe out, be mindful. We will get over this soon. We will again be able to move out of our house. We will again smile with our loved ones. Stay hopeful, it will keep you going and just don’t pay attention to your nasty in-laws if they don’t help you out. You help yourself. Repair yourself and please take care. Stay home, stay safe, and stay sane.
