Staying With Toxic in laws During The Lockdown

Staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown could be suffocating and frustrating. How do you deal with your difficult in-laws during the time of isolation?

In the present scenario, when everybody is at home together, it is very obvious that you will be observed for even the minutest of the flaw and then the series of taunting, snide remarks will begin. Things like these affect our state of mind in daily life. 

We feel saturated after a while and lose the energy to carry on. Why is staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown so challenging? Let us discuss this in the blog.

What are the challenges of staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown?

This complete lockdown has given a lot of time to overthink, find flaws in others, nit-picking, and constant bickering over small and petty issues. It turns the atmosphere of the whole house nasty and very toxic. It has even triggered a lot of underlying issues that we were hesitant to discuss before due to the busy life and have now surfaced during this lockdown.

Even without the lockdown, it is overwhelming to live with in-laws who create problems in our life so just imagine when you are completely locked in your house with them with no fresh air to breathe, it is definitely going to take a toll on your peace of mind. So what could be the most common challenges people are facing while staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown, here are a few to mentions:

1.) No privacy


With everyone staying together and around you guys, the couple of times is gone somewhere down the rug. With so much stress and tension even if you want to spend some quiet time with your spouse, it becomes really difficult in the presence of such toxic in-laws who will not give you a little space for yourself. I have heard husbands getting angry over this. 

As all the time wives are either in the kitchen or doing some of the other work, they hardly get to spend time together.

2.) Constant bickering


When everyone is at home just imagine the circus. Especially if you are staying in a joint family it is another level. They will notice everything you do and pin-point all your flaws. The food you make, the way you clean the house as they have absolutely nothing else to do so you are your only target, this leaves you frustrated and you cannot even go out for a walk to breathe some fresh air.

3.) Limited help


Have you ever come across a happy home where a mother in law and daughter in law are working in sync? 98% of the time it is the daughter in law who has to bear all the burden of work. A chauvinist father in law will sit with his newspaper waiting for his another cup of tea and a mother in law will be taunting her daughter in law for a work she missed do. A common scene in a joint family or maybe worse. Then managing kids and finding ways to keep them engaged, how is it possible with limited help or no help at all?

4.) Increased work-load


Due to the COVID-19 pandemic when we have restricted maids to enter our house and everybody is at home, the workload is bound to double. Too much stress and so many things to manage. For some who are working from home, they have to manage kids, and family is so much tedious task to do daily. Instead of help they get taunts, remarks, comments, complaints, women end up exhausted, men end up stressed. The whole atmosphere of the house becomes stale.

5.)Lack of empathy


It doesn’t matter if you live in a posh villa or a small hut, the house is made up of bricks and cement, it’s the people living inside the house beauties it. It is the vibes, the energy of the house which attracts harmony and peace. A woman or man is working alone, trying to fulfill all the duties, working alone is bound to get tired and frustrated, extending a little help costs too much to you rego? How can you digest the food and then complain about the taste when you are so incapable of even making a cup of tea and save yourself. Lack of empathy leads to rising in sadness and anger in the sufferer.


Staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown

How do we deal with in-laws during the lockdown

Do you know what causes stress in daughters in law? The complete negligence of their existence. They are abandoned right from the day they enter her in-las house, she is constantly reminded that how she is an outsider in the house and comes from a family who knows nothing, who is a no match to their superiority. Forget about the lockdown, how to survive with such in-laws even in normal days? Staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown and dealing with them in five effective ways:

1.) Communicate


If the increased workload has become overbearing fo you, yell. Communicate and make yourself heard. Most of the times it happens that we slog ourselves in frustration and it starts affecting us badly, it’s not that your toxic mother in law will come to you running for help, but it is your duty to communicate your capacities, that you need help and keep your anger aside.

Take a deep breath and try to talk to her, tell her that you need help to keep things running in this tough time.

2.) Allot work


It is not too much to ask for, if you divide a few tasks to other family members, no one feels burdened and the majority of tasks still remain with you but it should be manageable. Allot work in between family members, not everyone will come around but try a different approach like a temporary adjustment till the things get back to normal. Maybe someone will come around and help you.

3.) Maintain distance


Staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown? Stay away. Even though we all re stuck at home together and have to face everything try to maintain some probable distance with your in-laws. Engage yourselves with your kids, do some decluttering, some wardrobe arrangement, and just keep yourself busy in other activities which will divert your attention from their behavior.

4.) Involve your spouse


Most of the husband does not contribute to household chores due the social conditioning and patriarchal beliefs. It becomes very hard to convince them for help and sometimes even when they want to help you they refrain themselves because of the fear of parents. To avoid unnecessary drama, but in the end, you are the one who suffers because of the lack of support. Just try to involve him and seek some help.

5.) Don’t expect much


When nothing works, just fulfill all your duties and do not forget to breathe in between. Staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown? Constantly remind yourself that you are doing your best in your capacity and you have nothing to prove to others. How in-laws treat you is their problem and don’t yours. Just allow all the negative thoughts to pass and maintain your composure. You will be fine.

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Five ways to stay sane during the lockdown

Lockdown? How did it happen to us? The thought itself is so worrisome and other tensions like financial security, job security, children’s school, and ten other things already keep us occupied, and then to top it we have our nasty in-laws who have to make a mountain of a molehill. How to stay sane amid the lockdown and let not this pandemic affect our inner state?

How to keep our kids well informed and aware of the lockdown? How do we regain our lost space? If you are staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown, here are five things for you to avoid. Well, the ratio of women is obviously more here but I feel since this is the testing time for all of us, I don’t want to sound gender-specific with the amount of stress everybody is dealing with at the given situation, so here we go:

1.) Avoid arguments


Do not pick up fights with your spouse and your family members. We are not habitual of staying with our own people for so long and now we are together sometimes we feel so full that we want to escape outside. But turning inside is better than going out at this moment. Instead, take this as an opportunity to re-kindle your relationships.

2.) Avoid negative news


Minimize the content overload, avoid negative news and information. Do not discuss the same coronavirus in a house with your family members all the time. Talk about things you love and I am sure coronavirus cannot be one. Take time to connect with your parents, your spouse, and your children. You will never ever get this time again.

3.) Avoid heavy meals


Eat, in small portions, no not because you will gain weight but when there is less movement and body is inactive, your whole body tends to slow down leading to boredom. Drink a lot of water, focus on eating fruits and salads too, and food which will build your immunity. This is the time to nurture yourself. The ones who us to complain that we don’t get time to look after ourselves, this is the time.

4.) Avoid lethargy


The biggest thief in your life. It will at away all the possible beautiful moments from your life. Please get up and do something daily. There is a lot you can do sitting inside your house, from this I do not mean you make another Tik Tok video, well if it helps, go ahead 🙂 BUt there are a lot of activities you can do from home which will keep you engaged.

5.) Avoid boredom


Please don’t wake up feeling bored, oh another day of lockdown is such a bad way to start a day. What are the fault of the sun and the arts, they welcome you every day with their arms open and wide. They don’t care if the entire world is lockdown and nothing can dim its light then why do we allow it to happen to ourselves? Be grateful for little things in life and wake up with a smiling face, stroke a kiss on your spouse cheeks, hug your children, smile at your parents, you will automatically change the mood of the house.

Breathe in and breathe out, be mindful. We will get over this soon. We will again be able to move out of our house. We will again smile with our loved one. Stay hopeful, it will keep you going and just don’t pay attention to your nasty in-laws if they don’t help you out. You help yourself. Repair yourself and please take care. Stay home, stay safe, and stay sane.



Staying with toxic in-laws during the lockdown

Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.

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