Signs of a toxic mother in law you need to know. Any relationship which involves a toxic person on the other end will never flourish. Her toxicity will leave you rattling and she will continue to be her worst.A mother in law could be awfully toxic, she will leave no room for any improvement in your relationship. She will rather prefer to be the self-possessed, self-loathing, drama queen who will eat up your mental peace.Dealing with such a person will surely drain your positive energy. Let me share a few terrible signs of a toxic mother in law in this blog.
8 Warning Signs Of A Toxic Mother In Law
We all show signs of our inner self by our behavior, our mannerisms, and our ability to react in a certain situation. All this reflects our immoral virtues. A person who is toxic to the core will not only make your life miserable but also ruin the peaceful environment of the house. Have you ever wondered why do mothers in law cause problems in marriages? I do wonder many times, looking at my marriage, looking at other people I know are struggling hard for mere acceptance and some love. Is it so hard to accommodate another human in your house and accept her as their own? Forget about acceptance, a toxic mother in law already has prejudices about her newlywed daughter in laws based on her appearances, her educational qualification, her family background, her parents and if she is her son’s choice then the detrimental qualities could be an exhaustive one here.No, the acceptance doesn’t come easy and it creates havoc in the mind of a daughter in law who is conditioned to win hearts, to please everyone in her in-laws family. A daughter in law who is made to believe that in-laws house is her real house, but what happens when she tries to draw lines, connecting the dots between her parental house and in-laws house? There remains a huge and unidentified gap. Again we are expected to accept it and live with it as an obedient daughter in law. Here are a few signs which will help you to understand the level of toxicity your mother-in-law possesses and help you determine boundaries in your relationship, to save yourselves some sanity.
1.) A narcissistic mother in law could be incredibly cruel
2.) A toxic mother in law is always a control freak
3.) An adamant mother in law oozes negativity
4.) A gossip queen she could be
5.) A jealous mother in law is sickening
6.) A self-centered always put her first
7.) A mother in law could be manipulative
8.) A Gaslighting trait of a nasty mother in law
1.) A narcissistic mother in law could be incredibly cruelI consider this as one of the most dangerous signs of a toxic mother in law because there are negligible chances that a narcissistic mother in law will ever mellow down and get along with you. A narcissistic mother in law can be incredibly cruel, and unreasonable. She will go out of her way to make sure her daughter in law doesn’t feel welcome. Narcissistic mother in law loves to play favorites, and to win over you she will even isolate you from other family members. She could go to the extent of manipulating and lie about anything to fit her narrative and make you feel excluded and unwanted. Brutally impacting your self-worth and self-belief.2.) A toxic mother in law is always a control freakA toxic mother in law is an equally controlling one, who will act like a boss all the time. For whom you will continue to selflessly serve as a 24*7 unpaid caregiver. A controlling mother in law can cause a lot of negativity in the house. Involve other family members and ask your husband to intervene as well. Because if it’s her nature to control, she must be controlling others as well and they might come to your rescue occasionally.3.) An adamant mother in law oozes negativityAnother one of the dominant signs of a toxic mother in law is that she is adamant to the core. For her she is right, how she sees things is right and what she believes in is always right. Nothing else exists besides her thinking and her beliefs.It is very hard to convince such a person and remove their assumptive beliefs. She will never consider other options, will reprimand you, and will deliberately overlook other possibilities just to prove herself right. After all, it is all about controlling for her.4.) A gossip queen she could beGossiping is so petty and childish. It shows how disrespectful she is towards her own daughter in law when she purposely and shamelessly talks about her behind her back. By this behavior of hers, she displays a very strong sense of untrustworthiness among her own group.But obviously, she continues to be the same because she is full of herself and blinded by her ego. She takes out all her mean acknowledgments over her daughter in law, which provides a temporary ego massage to her.5.) A jealous mother in law is sickeningJealousy is a self-consuming thing. Hence, people who are envious can’t hide their jealousy for very long. It just erupts out in mean bubbling ways. I call this – hateful bubbling. If you are one of those daughters-in-law who struggles witha mother in law who is jealous of you, then you are not alone.Jealousy is the most common trait in women, and a mother in law can not even stand the thought of losing her powerful position in the house to her daughter in law. A toxic mother in law is surely jealous of you when she belittles and demeans you on every occasion and leaves no room for you to fit-in.6.) A self-centered always put her firstShe is always pre-occupied with herself such that she completely abandons your needs and even your existence. For her she is important and you are not even visible to her. All the conversation will revolve around her and her opinions. She will never be interested in you or your opinions.She is simply a self-absorbed and most selfish person who chooses her over anything else. She is someone who doesn’t even care bout her own son and is willing to make his life so chaotic and noisy because of her insensitivity.7.) A mother in law could be manipulativeOne of the hazardous signs of a toxic mother in law involves manipulation and deception. A manipulative mother in law will not even hesitate to fabricate the facts and convert them into a lie. Just to prove you at fault in front of others, she will become a victim player, a typical drama queen who loves attention, eradicating your part of the story completely.The most toxic part is when she tries to influence the thoughts and opinions of your husband and kids, just imagine how unhealthy it could prove to your relationships? But who cares, she will continue to be her best manipulator.8.) A Gaslighting trait of a nasty mother in lawYou will not be surprised to learn that mothers in law are masters of gaslighting. One of the creepiest signs of a toxic mother in law is that they certainly hold another level of manipulative temperament which is too determined to emotionally abuse her daughter in law and will go to any extent to prove herself right. Detach and disengage from such games. Do not waste your energy in trying to win over them. She is that ultimate hypocrite.
How to deal with a toxic mother in law and protect your sanity?
Now your daily routine includes crying, pleasing, and staying anxious. You apologize to her, you don’t sleep peacefully, and you wake up every morning feeling anxious. After a run-in with the biggest hypocrite in your life, it is natural to feel, you will feel exhausted, drained, and empty. A toxic mother in law will drain your entire energy and consume your entire life. Toxic people condition you to believe that the problem isn’t with them but it is your inability to deal with the situation. After learning about a few signs of a toxic mother in law, I will share a few ways to deal with one and protect your sanity. Trust me, it is just not worth it, to lose a piece of sanity over some shit head like her.
Five ways to deal with a toxic mother in law
It is said that, when the going gets tough, the tough get going, and here is how;
1.) Set boundaries
2.) Say NO and let it go
3.) Stop expecting
4.) Stop seeking her validation
5.) Focus on your mental health
1.) Set boundariesIn any relationship, we must draw a healthy boundary line. Setting boundaries is very important if you are living in the same household. Without setting proper boundaries you are voluntarily giving unlimited access to anybody sharing the household. Neither we cross that line nor we appreciate others crossing that line. Sometimes we give others a lot of space and you will see that most of them use it to their advantage. They will be the ones who will be the troublemakers in your life in the end. Trust me when I say this but reasons for setting boundaries do not restrict to your in-laws only but it applies to every relationship you have in your life.2.) Say NO and let it goSaying NO takes time. But once you imbibe this art you can free yourself from holding on grudges and indulging in mental arguments with yourself. Let go of all the tension, let go of every feeling which holds you back. Start it now, how much are you going to hold up inside your heart and mind? It will ache badly and the worst part is nobody will ever notice it and understand the amount of pain you are carrying inside you while you smile from outside. It will only lead to a lot of mental distress, which will affect your daily routine and your physical health.3.) Stop expectingThe biggest problem in every relationship is the burden of expectation we put on each other and others put on us. It has to be this way or that way, as they say. But maybe those ways don’t work anymore. There could never be a set of benchmarks to deal with relationships.Every person is different, and every situation is different. Then how to deal with a toxic mother in law and expect less despite living in the same house? As being a woman there would be situations when you might feel that she should help you, look after you but in the back of your mind you always know, you will be hurt if you expect her helping you. Because you know she won’t, then what will hurt you more, she not helping you or your expectations?4.) Stop seeking her validationBecause it will never come. A toxic mother in law will validate nothing you do. She will question you, criticize you, and even doubt your intention. Why do you need validation at all? I know you will think that they are elders; we have to respect them and in order to balance the peaceful environment of your house you give up on yourselves and seek validation from your mother in law in everything you do? First of all, respect can never be demanded, it is something that comes naturally for a wonderful soul. Secondly, if you will seek validation for everything, that too from someone who already dislikes you, you will end up living a life of a prisoner of your own circumstances.5.) Focus on your mental healthMental health first, please prioritize your sanity over her drama. A toxic mother in law is like an energy vampire, she will such your positivity and leave you lifeless. How do you intend to move ahead with your day with dull and lifeless energy? How will you be able to take care of your child and won’t it affect your relationship with your spouse?When we are under stress due to external factors, we often feel clouded and fail to see a bright side, which is normal. In order to move ahead in life, we need to set our priorities right, we need to focus on what brightens up and what matters to us the most. Take care and prioritize your mental and emotional wellness by cutting down on toxicity. Love and light
Priyanka Joshi is the founder of Sanity Daily and one of the top mental health bloggers. She hosts the 'Mental Health First" Podcast show. A digital nomad, published author and an NLP practitioner, helping you prioritize your mental health.