Reasons for setting boundaries with in laws and when should we do it? What is the importance of a healthy boundary in any relationship? What happens when we give enough space to others to enter our domain?
We often allow people to invade our personal space, let them break in, and turn our world upside down, we lose control over their interference in our lives and how they control things. It affects us but we fail to stop them because it is too late. But we can always start today.
In this blog, we will discuss the importance of setting boundaries with in laws and living a little less stressful life.
Reasons for Setting Boundaries with In Laws
In any relationship, we must draw a healthy boundary line. Neither do we cross that line nor do we appreciate others crossing that line. Sometimes we give others a lot of space and you will see that most of them use it to their advantage. They will be the ones who will be the troublemakers in your life in the end. Trust me when I say this but reasons for setting boundaries do not restrict to your in laws only but it applies to every relationship you have in your life.
Every relationship is full of joy, uncertainty, negativity, challenges, trials, and positivity, some even come to test us. Not all in-laws are horrible, but some are. There’s a big difference between a clash in perspectives and destructive behavior which affects family bonds rather than nurturing them. Behavior like this could also impact your relationship with your husband. Learn to set boundaries with your in laws to save your sanity and stay away from their toxic behavior.
11 reasons you need to set boundaries with in laws
Why is it so stressful to deal with in laws? Why do in laws cause problems in their own son’s married life? We have hardly witnessed an evolution in laws who have accepted a daughter in law as their own. Now pat comes a thought that daughters in law are not saints, but I always talk referring to the statistics, in laws can turn blind eye to it but the fact is a face. From day one a daughter in law is expected to fit in, adjust, adapt to new rules, and customs, speak a new language, change their thinking process, and even the way they see and understand things.
We are hardly appreciated for the things we do, and when we react we get LABELED. That’s the reason we should understand the importance of setting boundaries within laws right from the start. Setting boundaries is often concluded as being selfish or self-centred but it is for everyone’s good. Let me list down 11 reasons for setting boundaries with in laws and trying to live a balanced life.
|1.) It could impact your relationship with your spouse|
|2.) It could interfere with your parenting skills|
|3.) You don’t get to put your views|
|4.) They show up unannounced|
|5.) They make you feel like an outsider|
|6.) They interfere in your private conversations|
|7.) They invoke local social drama|
|8.) They put you in an awkward position|
|9.) They talk on your behalf|
|10.) They don’t care about your sanity|
|11.) They don’t respect you|
1.) It could impact your relationship with your spouse
A lot of interference can lead to a misunderstanding between you and your partner. On the contrary, it does not mean that you separate your husband’s family from him, but make sure the indulgence is healthy and joyful.
2.) It could interfere with your parenting skills
Setting boundaries with your in laws is very important when you are raising your kid, otherwise, you will end up frustrated. No matter if your in laws stay with you or you are a nuclear family, constant nit-picking, unwanted advice, and comparison from other kids will create a lot of stress in your mind and you won’t be able to give your best for your kid, draw a line well before. It is better to confront once than to get into arguments often.
3.) You don’t get to put your views
You avoid social gatherings and family events as you feel uncomfortable about how they will make you look. When you give too much importance and space to a relationship you somehow lose control of the actions and reactions You are taken for granted and you often don’t get to put your views. You feel insecure and agitated, which is unhealthy.
4.) They show up unannounced
You are ok with meeting your in laws, after all, they are also family, but too much of something invited trouble on their own. You have your set routine, work, child care, and family time and if your in laws keep on coming announced you get disturbed. Obviously, you cannot ask them to leave, but you can decide on meeting times and days and try to stick to them.
5.) They make you feel like an outsider
If you are staying in a joint family and you are one of those people pleasers, soon you will find yourself standing aside and not as a part of any important decision or healthy conversation in the house. I have felt this often, as I am from a completely different tradition and language has been always a barrier for my in laws, they never accepted me for what I am and could not become something I am not.
6.) They interfere in your private conversations
Even if you and your husband are having some discussion they jump in between and try to interfere then it becomes a real botheration and trusts me it causes a lot of frustration between couples where they don’t get space to talk alone.
7.) They invoke local social drama
The constant bickering, comparison and demeaning, ultimately create a series of dramatic episodes. You are always the centre of their universe and all the bad elements lie within you. When we give too much acceptance and space to a person to enter our mental space they surely play with it.
8.) They put you in an awkward position
When they treat you as an outsider and do not allow you to put your views, they surely put you in an awkward position. You feel left out and not a part of the family, this may even you do not contribute your 100% and lack the family feeling. Once or twice is still normal but if this practice is a regular thing then it is high time you voice out and set your boundaries right.
9.) They talk on your behalf
When they don’t let you put your views and don’t make you a part of their discussion they take away your voice from you and they don’t even hesitate to represent you and your opinion. Because they take you for granted, they will say things and accept decisions on your behalf bounding you to follow them just because you their daughter in law.
10.) They don’t care about your sanity
Sanity? What is that, for in laws who are arrogant and ignorant towards their own family just because she is not their own blood or a woman who comes from another family has not to sense sanity at all? Hence, never expect that they will empathize with you and realize their unjust behavior towards you, people like these are full of a superiority complex.
11.) They don’t respect you
The ones who do not respect you and belittle you should stay away from you. Period. I want to make this clear and loud, if there is a lack of respect and care in any relationship then it will surely screw itself in the future so prevent it from further damage take an early step, and save yourself some sanity for yourself for better things in life.
How to set boundaries with in laws
Now that we have discussed a few reasons for setting boundaries within laws, we must try to implement them. Setting boundaries is not only a challenging task but one of the trickiest things to do, as you must not lose your kindness in the process and yet try to convey your message. It already sounds tricky, isn’t it? How to set boundaries with in laws? How to let them not enter your space?
|1.) Involve your spouse|
|2.) Establish a schedule|
|3.) Be assertive|
|4.) Avoid arguments|
|5.) Don’t stop being kind|
1.) Involve your spouse
Sync in with your spouse and make him understand the importance of setting healthy boundaries. Tell him that you are in no way stopping him to meet his parents or the other way but it is essential when you end with troubled in laws and define a few rules.
2.) Establish a schedule
Decide on time and days, stick to the rules and adhere to them. Establish a schedule. Make clear definitions of the time of meetings so that even they don’t feel neglected.
3.) Be assertive
It could be a little difficult to talk about setting boundaries all of a sudden because these things hardly work with in laws, they will think you have some ulterior motive behind this step. Making them understand the reason for setting boundaries within laws could be healthy in the long term.
4.) Avoid arguments
When you try to put your message be firm but avoid getting into arguments. Put your idea and explain the reasons, and give them some time to understand it. If they realize that the importance of setting boundaries could be beneficial for both then they would surely come to terms with peace and harmony in the family.
5.) Don’t stop being kind
Even when they disagree or do not accept the idea of setting a boundary, do not lose your kindness and maintain a certain amount of distance from your side. You set boundaries from your side, do not get into unhealthy conversations, keep yourself busy and invest time in yourself and your kids.
In the end, I would say that nasty or peaceful but in laws are part of our family and we should try our best to make things work in favor of the sides. Give your best and leave the rest. Do not please constantly and give some of it some time. Meanwhile, you take charge of your life and take care of your mental health.
Love and Light