Is your marriage giving you anxiety attacks? Do you feel extremely stressed and overwhelmed in your day-to-day life? Is it affecting you internally?
Mental Stress is invisible, hence ignored. Surprisingly, the one who causes such mental distress is usually the most near or dear one in our life. To whom we give that key to our happiness.
In this blog, we will discuss what leads to such a stressful condition which in turn causes extreme mental distress which goes beyond our control and we will also try to find ways to overcome it.
Is your marriage giving you anxiety attacks?
We talk a lot about finding the right partner so that we can see everything happening right in our future life, but hey, who has seen tomorrow? A person reacts differently in a given situation and sometimes the whole life is too little to understand a person and then there are certainly too complex creatures living around us, who are all the more difficult to deal with.
Whether you are a husband or a wife reading this blog, you will find this extremely relatable when I say that you just choose a partner unaware of the consequences of your choices. As we move ahead with life, we discover so many things about our relationships which we later think we shouldn’t have known.
Is your marriage giving you anxiety attacks? Whether it’s a love marriage or an arranged one, marriage is like an institution wherein we just try to make things work daily, suiting each other’s needs, meeting each other’s parameters, to make one happy, series of adjustments and sacrifices and whatnot, because in the end we all dream of a happy married life. But what happens to such dreams and desires when external forces start overshadowing our relationships with the one with whom we share such a deep and intimate relationship?
What is an Anxiety attack?
In simple terms, Anxiety is our way of responding to extreme stress. It could be caused due to environmental stress, tensions in personal relationships, financial problems, genetic disorders, or any past trauma. An anxiety attack is characterized by feelings of impending doom and trembling, sweating, pounding heart, and other physical symptoms. It could be classified as generalized anxiety, some specific phobia, or social anxiety.
Symptoms are such that an individual feels nauseatic, sweating, restless, trembling, choking, chest pain, fear of losing mind, fear of dying, and rapid heart palpitations. All of this doesn’t just happen, there is always an underlying issue that remains unaddressed. If you see any such signs, do take care as if the frequency of attacks increases it results in a severe disorder that intrudes in a person’s daily life.
Is your Marriage Giving you Anxiety Attacks? Five signs you are in a troubled paradise
For all our life we long for that one perfect partner who could bring the best in us and love and care for us. Things work out fine but suddenly you feel something strange, you sense some detachment, some distance which starts bothering you and you go into that “overthinking” zone. You cannot help yourself but you start to doubt yourself. You feel insecure and you worry incessantly. All this leads to stress, anxiety, and panic. Sometimes it’s the husband’s family which causes you to stress and sometimes it is the husband himself. Some wounds are invisible and we are here to discuss them and see if we can come out of them.
|1. Your partner ignores you|
|2. You feel a disconnection|
|3. Your partner has secrets|
|4. The third person|
|5. No romance and no sex|
1. Your partner ignores you
This could be just the beginning, and it applies to both men and women, who are in a close relationship. You share your half with someone and that’s how you call the other person your better half, then what happens suddenly and what causes the rift between the two that one goes into a state of depression and anxiety. Can a person really control your life so much that your happiness is directly proportionate to his way of interacting with you?
Actually, it does, and specifically in India, where we are taught to please others and do anything for their happiness. We please our difficult in laws and then we please our life partners. We do such things, we go out of our ways to make them happy, and in turn, when we receive ignorance and detachment, it hurts and the hurt starts pilling up, occupying a large space in heart and mind. This is again ignored because the giver hardly realizes how his or her action is affecting the receiver.
2. You feel a disconnection
This is heart-breaking. People call it a saturation point in the relationship, but I could never understand how come someone feels a sort of disconnection with whom he or she was once so deeply connected with. With time, with responsibilities things do change, I agree but changing your behavior and your actions towards the one you love and the one who loves you will only lead to distress in your marriage.
If you as a husband is stressed due to work or financial arrangements, believe your wife is also struggling with you. She could be your companion in your struggle if you speak up and express your worries openly but most of the time men prefer to keep things to them and this vacuum creates a distance between two people.
3. Your partner has secrets
Is your marriage giving you anxiety attacks? Probably it will when you will discover that the one whom you confide in and shares your life with, keeps secrets from. Right from financial secrets to his interaction with your in laws, who never accepted you and caused problems in your relationship. There could be several reasons in a given relationship.
It is very disappointing to see your partner keeping secrets from you, but with the advent of social media and your personal friend circle, you discover things. YOu feel insecure and left out. Marriage is all about comfort, security, trust, and when one sees all these losing grips, the relationship weakens and it starts taking a till over that person, as he/she could not find answers to so many questions bothering them.
4. The third person
Then comes a time when that ‘third’ person comes in between you two. It could be in the form of anyone a new friendship, an old friend, an ex or just someone. Soon after a few years of your marriage, your partner complains about the compatibility, adjustments, zing, and spark in your relationship. Choosing to be ignorant that it is a part of a relationship, he/she opts out of the relationship and tries to fill that void with someone else’s presence.
How will react to such a situation? Won’t you lose your mind or go panicky over learning this side of your relationship? Anybody will and it just triggers a series of emotional turmoil in the individual which could also lead to panic attacks and severe mental distress which could badly harm the person.
5. No romance and no sex
The most common trigger and a sign of a dull and boring marriage (for partners). Whether you choose to include all the above signs or exclude them, this one reason is enough to pull all those underlying emotional triggers in a partner, which leaves him/ her into a zone so lonely and miserable that it just becomes difficult to cope up with. This being such a private and secret corner of any relationship, the person doesn’t feel comfortable talking about it to anyone.
It is obvious that no one would like to share about their sexual life with anyone but when you are in a relationship such as marriage and there is no physical contact, you crave for love and being touched and that missing piece in your marriage gives you anxiety and puts you in an enormous stressful condition, which is hard to explain but too much too take and hold on.
Five ways to deal with your anxiety and take care of your mental health
Is your marriage giving you anxiety attacks? It surely is when you see such the above-mentioned signs. We as readers or listeners can only imagine the amount of pain it leads to for an individual. First, we have to meet the standards of the in laws and then we have to do anything and everything to keep our better half happy?
But what if our better half chooses not to be happy and we willingly take all the onus on our little shoulders, for not being able to meet his/her expectations. We even go into self-doubt and feel we lack somewhere as marriage is a big part of our life, we live with the person, share a very close relationship with the one. It really takes a toll on one’s mental health when there is trouble in one’s paradise. How can we deal with it? Can we try a few things which can help us internally?
|1. Cut down on caffeine|
|2. Focus on your breaths|
|3. Invest in yourself|
1. Cut down on caffeine
Yes, you read it right. Any drink which contains caffeine like tea or coffee needs to be replaced because it only increases your anxiety. If you are suffering from severe stress and have had an anxiety attack, cut down on caffeine. You can look for alternate drinks like Chamomile Tea, which is believed to have great benefits in relaxing the muscles and reducing irritability or you can use Turmeric in milk, known as golden milk in terms of Ayurveda.
2. Focus on your breaths
Breathe out negativity and breathe in positivity, this is what will keep you going. You need to focus on your breaths, tap out from the disturbing arguments. Slow down and take care of yourself a little more. Be aware of your situation.
3. Invest in yourself
The most common problem with a majority of women is that, just after she gets married, she stops upgrading herself. She stops learning new things and looks out for better things that can divert her attention. Find a new purpose in life and channelize your energy into something new, which will help you grow as a person.
Do you know? Your mental state can very well disturb your physical being and vice versa. We usually take care of our physical fitness just to lose weight and stay fit but we also need to exercise to burst out the built-up stress and tension within. It really helps to rejuvenate. Make exercise a part of your daily routine.
Sleep as much you want, as it is you have been overthinking and stressing yourselves things which are beyond your control. You feel mentally tired, which in turn affects your work efficiency and productivity. Sleep and avoid the internet before you go to sleep. You need a sound sleep to have a fresh start to the day.
In the end, I would say that once you are able to identify your anxiety triggers, please do not leave them unattended. Untreated anxiety disorders can lead to extremely negative consequences that can impact a person’s daily routine in such a way that they may not be able to work, go to school, or have normal social relationships.
I know things could be worse than they appear and if you think that nothing is working and you are having a real hard time handling things. Is your marriage giving you anxiety attacks? Do not think twice before seeing a counselor or psychotherapist. A little talk therapy and counseling can do wonders for such a situation and you will not be judged at all for whatever condition you are in. Please take care of your precious life. Your mental health is as important as your physical health.
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.