Does tension with in laws cause you stress? And what are you doing about it? Are you taking care of your mental health and physical health, while fulfilling your daily duties?
Women are exceptional and much worthy of things beyond their capacities, but when it comes to taking charge of their mental health and wellness they lack down the spiral.
In this blog, I am going to share the intrusive reasons behind the stress caused by the tension in the relationship with your in laws and we will also discuss a few ways out of it.
Does tension with in laws cause you stress?
Unfortunately, it’s a big YES from my side. Tension with in laws does cause you stress, tension with anyone you are connected with will cause you stress, and to make it worse if you are a sensitive person it goes beyond. Stress affects us emotionally and physically but the sad part is people often ignore the physical part, many of us do not even believe that stress could lead to emotional as well as physical damage in individuals. We do not concentrate on the motions of our thoughts, which in the long term starts multiplying and affects our physical self.
What causes tension with your in laws?
Does tension with in laws cause you stress? Before we begin the discussion on this question, we need to understand the underlying causes of tension with your in laws. There could be several reasons and there could be no reason at all. The thing with human psychology is that it prevents us from rational thinking at times, we believe in what we want to believe and oversee things.
The same thing happens with our relationship with in laws. Marriage is like the merging of two families, and relatively the process is quite messy, we enter the new family with a different mindset and a lot of expectations. They make us a part of their family with a lot of expectations.
Now the problem starts popping up when we fail to meet each other’s expectations. On the contrary, for a moment if you will think, you will realize it happens everywhere with every relationship but things with this in law relation are different due to societal conditioning and some pre-conceived notions. Living with someone with which you share a tense relationship will definitely affect you in the future.
Did you know? There are nine types of Indian Mother in law? just imagine your life depends upon whom you land up with. You could be lucky to have an evolved mother in law or just in case you got unlucky you might even encounter the most narcissistic kind of mother in law you have ever heard of.
What triggers stress with your in laws?
Tensions can sometimes build to a point where they tear families apart. Leading to stressful conditions in which people hardly think with a sane mind and the consequences thereafter. Does tension with in laws cause you stress?
When two individuals who hail from a different culture, tradition, parenting styles, beliefs, and values are suddenly expected to mold them with the new environment. We forget the fact that we can learn new things, adapt to new environments within a proper time frame, but how can we UNLEARN something? Here it starts affecting the emotional well-being of the individual.
Just imagine getting a chauvinistic father in law in your life, who demeans you and treats you like a piece of shit. You will automatically compare him with your father who was so humble, so generous within you, and it is natural to compare. Because you have grown seeing your father and now you have ended up with some type, you never thought existed. And then you have to stay with him.
Below are a few triggers that lead to stress in the long run:
1.) The tension we accumulate
As we are new to the environment we seek time and help to adjust, to understand, and in the meantime, we are under pressure to perform good, look good, behave properly. We accumulate a lot of tension due to this pressure. The pressure we were born to live with, yes it happens especially in the Indian families where we are programmed to live with in laws, that when a daughter is born she is prepared and trained in a certain manner which instills pressure in her mind that it’s her prime responsibility to make everyone happy.
2.) Inability to speak out
You are tensed and it is bothering you but you cannot discuss it with your family because they will be tensed too and your husband is either non-supportive even or if he is supportive he will not stand for you. You have a sister in law of your age, but you cannot even confide in her because of her biased nature towards you. This is another stress trigger, wherein you cannot speak about how you are feeling and how badly it is affecting you emotionally.
3.) Mental arguments
The worst part of holding emotions, you end up arguing with yourself. Talking to self is not an issue, it is very much normal and a good thing. But when we argue mentally, it is the result of the inability to having speak up about how we feel. It starts bothering you at the cellular level and whenever you are alone the thoughts start troubling you, which is not a good sign.
4.) Unwarranted backlash
What happened? What did I do now? It happens, right? It could be your toxic mother in law, your competitive sister in law, rude father in law, or even your non-supportive husband. You have been trying from your side but you get backlashed, you are not treated well at the family events and you feel miserable of yourself.
5.) Need for closure
Everyone needs closure after every bad incidence, argument, or fight. Unless you have closure it bothers you, especially to the ones who are emotionally vulnerable it even worsens. they create a mental web of the series of incidents in their heads and find it very difficult to come over it. It calls for a healthy and two-sided conversation to mend things, which hardly happens.
Does tension with in laws cause you stress? Nine ways to deal with it
If you believe, almost 80 percent of “In-law” bonds are described in strongly negative terms such as depressing, uncomfortable, annoying, awful, worst, strained, stressed, infuriating, etc. The reason could be anything and nothing, as I mentioned earlier but the real problem reside inside that tiny brain of the individuals in the situation. We can alter every situation in our life if we are in harmony with our mind and body but we do not pay attention, we lack empathy and above all, we forget to stay humans.
So, in order to survive, we have to juggle between ways and see what can work for us, so that we do not lose our sanity in the process of life and instead of growing, we just get trapped in our vulnerabilities.
|1. Stop reasoning
|2. Do not take things personally
|3. Smile often
|4. Learn to let go
|5.Learn to overlook
|7. Be assertive
|8. Be mindful
|9. Talk to someone
1. Stop reasoning
We need answers, we seek a solution for every problem, although if we believe there are solutions for every problem but sometimes things take their own due course to cure. The more we reason the more we trouble ourselves because it doesn’t come with any solution most of the time.
2. Do not take things personally
This works well with me, initially, I use to take everything personally as if my mother in law is taunting me or saying things to me indirectly, maybe she did. Bu ti altered my response, instead of getting annoyed and taking things personally I just started being a part of her conversation and left it there.
3. Smile often
It cures so many things inside you and spreads positivity around you. When you smile, you pass a radiance around you, and sometimes it also stops others to approach you in a decisive manner.
4. Learn to let go
The habit of letting go comes with time, but when we learn to let go of such negative things which leads to stress we actually grow and bloom internally. Because we make room for good things in life.
5. Learn to overlook
Yes, do that more often, as I mentioned in point number two when you learn to overlook things or not pay attention to each and everything your in laws are saying you will save yourself sanity, and things will bother you less, and trust me it won’t affect your in laws because they won’t know.
Research has shown that self-control very essential for individuals who want to do better in their lives. Those who practice self-control, resist the urge to do better in the personal and professional end. How it applies here? By controlling yourself with the tendency for giving it back to your in laws and have higher goals set for yourself and better physical and mental health
7. Be assertive
Does tension with in laws cause you stress? Be assertive with your thoughts, let no negativity enter inside you, and ruin your mental state.
8. Be mindful
Yes, see things as it is, do not judge, do not reason, and just be with it. It will help you overcome many critical situations in your life. Where you might feel you need a closure and solution but don’t find it, practice mindfulness and be grateful for your life.
9. Talk to someone
This is very important, there would be days when you will kind of lose it and have burnout, At that time there would so many intrinsic thoughts pouring out f your mind, talk to someone. Vent out, never hold up such negativity inside you for a long time, it aches.
How stress can affect us physically?
Although it is very hard for people to accept that stress can result in a severe mental and physical state, but it does. Stress could be temporary or long-term, things turn worse when it starts residing in you and you fail to take immediate actions to overcome it, hence talking about it is very important. Your in laws are part of your life, not your whole life, damaging your inner self due to their insensitive behavior will only cause distress within you for a longer period.
Stress is a feeling and it comes in many ways but what we have to take care of is, how t affects us, and how we deal with it. Does tension with in laws cause you stress? If the answer is yes then you need to work on it real soon, before it takes a toll on your health and thinking abilities. Your body reacts to stress by releasing stress hormones (Adrenaline, Cortisol, Norepinephrine). These hormones make your brain more alert, cause your muscles to tense, and increase your pulse. It’s a natural way for your body to protect itself from external stress.
Higher stress could lead to several physical problems in a human, such as:
- Blood Pressure
- Heart Disease
- Menstrual problems in Woman
- Hormonal Imbalance
- Depression/ Anxiety or other mental illnesses
Too much stress could lead to an end number of physical conditions apart from feeling sleepy, tired, lack of sexual desire, headaches, weight loss or gain it can also affect your thinking pattern and intellectual level. So you need to take care of the signs and talk to someone when you feel things are getting out of your hands. Eat healthy food, exercise regularly and practice deep breathing, it will surely help you to calm down and nurture your inner self. Take care and take charge of your life.
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.