How to deal with a competitive sister in law? Is this question troubling you? Dealing with a sister in law who sees you as her competition is really difficult.
A person who is competitive in nature is always looking for some appreciation and recognition. If your sister in law is the one among them, then I must say who will be a victim of her self-bragging moments often. Yours, mine, I did this you did this and I won you lost kind of conversation are their topmost favorite topics to talk about.
A sister in law who is competitive is neither an optimist who can see good in others and neither a pessimist person who can see bad in herself, Now imagine how to deal with a competitive sister in law. Allow me to help you.
How to deal with a competitive sister in law
It is said that dealing with a known devil is better than dealing with an unknown one. In this case, you might feel you are always pulled down and trashed by your sister in law. But in reality, maybe it’s in her nature to be jealous, judgemental, and interfering. In my last article on dealing with a sister in law who is biased with you, I had clearly outlined a few signs which could help you to identify the underlying reasons for her behavior towards you.
Let me tell you, competitive nature is also one of the signs of being jealous. When they continuously compare their situation with yours and try to compete with you, even in your daily routine work. Let me help you identify those signs, which could help you find the answer to your question, how to deal with a competitive sister in law.
Five signs your sister in law sees you as a competition
In women, it is a little difficult to gauge such aggressive behavior as they try to protect their image by belittling others at the same time. They feel they know better, they understand things better but even if they do, they don’t have to put others down to prove their worth. How to deal with a competitive sister in law who is insecure, jealous, or negative about you? Let us identify if we ended up with one.
|1. She feels unhappy when someone appreciates you|
|2. She feels insecure in your presence|
|3. She is jealous of your achievements|
|4. She talks about you in a negative manner|
|5. She tries to gaslight for you|
1. She feels unhappy when someone appreciates you
A competitive person will always feel unhappy when someone appreciates another person in front of her. Now when this person is your sister in law or mother in law, things turn too nasty. Even when you get basic compliments like wearing a beautiful dress, having good hair or skin irritates them.
A sister in law who is competitive will never appreciate you and will never like anybody else appreciating you at least in front of her. A sister in law who hates to see you getting appreciated will never gel with you. She might even withdraw herself from the conversation or pretend deaf.
2. She feels insecure in your presence
Just imagine you have to attend a family event, where you and your sister in law along with the other family members are a part of it. She will no way enjoy your company when she feels insecure in your presence. Usually, a person with a competitive nature is the one who is habitual of praises and appreciation.
When someone else tries to gain that spot they feel annoyed and humiliated, You will get those insecure vibes especially in public gatherings or family functions when someone will praise you instead of her.
3. She is jealous of your achievements
How to deal with a competitive sister in law when she is a tad jealous of you? No matter how small or big, but if you have managed to sneak out of your chaotic life and gained a little reward as a result of certain accomplishments do not expect your in laws to be a part of it, if they are one of those jealous in laws.
A sister in law who competes with you for even winning a spot in cooking skills, dressing style will surely be jealous of your all the achievements, she will surely kill you with her narcissism and arrogance which might even make you feel miserable.
4. She talks about you in a negative manner
Gossiping, small talks, and undermining others is all a jealous and ignorant person can do. How to deal with a competitive sister in law who talks about you in a negative manner behind your back. No matter how well you behave with her, she will never see you with a kind heart. She interferes with whatever you do and cannot see any good in you.
She might not say things in front of you but you, for sure get those negative vibes when they are around you.
5. She tries to gaslight for you
A competitive person sees you as competition to them and tries to surpass you in everything you do and to do so they will not hesitate to be manipulative and deceiving in their approach. They gaslight for you and sows seeds of doubts and fear in you.
Since somehow, she wants to control you so that you do not excel and achieve more than her, she will tell negative things to you indirectly which will make you think about a situation through her mind.
Ten ways to deal with a competitive sister in law
When we know the sign, it becomes a little convenient to deal with a person with such an attribute that causes you mental stress. How to deal with a competitive sister in law who prefers to stay ignorant of her ways which affect your sanity. The way she belittles you or makes faces at your accomplishments only demoralizes you discourages you if you are an emotionally vulnerable person
Now let us talk about ten effective ways to deal with a competitive sister in law and save your sanity.
|1. Stop trying|
|2. Fake it when you can’t take it|
|3. Smile and slide|
|4. Don’t take it to your heart|
|5. Take excuse or drop out|
|6. Avoid triggers|
|7. Never doubt yourself|
|8. Focus on good things|
|9. Continue being you|
|10. She is not your competition|
1. Stop trying
When you realize that your sister in law is being insensitive towards you either you draw a distance or you try to make her feel comfortable. In my personal experience, the latter did not work at all, hence I stopped trying and left things as it is, even then I was labeled as arrogant but at least my sanity was saved.
2. Fake it when you can’t take it
When you have to stay with such a sister in law then you have to face her daily and face the music of her competent behavior, it is hard to ignore to react. See-through her when she brags about her or compares her to you. Pretend you are unaffected even if you have to, at least it is better than showing the disgust on your face. Trust me, you have nothing to lose.
3. Smile and slide
When you find yourself in an uncomfortable zone where you are surrounded by your mother in law and sister in law (deadly combo) and all their stories of accomplishment, you can slide from the situation by politely making an excuse. I know it might sound abrupt and an awkward situation but a better one than being bullied indirectly.
4. Don’t take it to your heart
A competitive sister in law will leave no chance to pull you down through her nasty remarks and comments. It will make you feel demoralized. The thing with a competitive person is that they have to compete and criticize others for even silly things. Don’t take their remarks personally.
5. Drop out
Now this similar to point number 3 though, but yes here you can make an assertive move. There are few accomplishments, few goals which can never be compared, never be measured through a competitive eye. When you feel your efforts are being tarnished against some silly things, you need to drop out of that situation.
6. Avoid triggers
I can very well understand that it is difficult to praise someone with such unpleasant attributes but it is very necessary that you avoid pulling the triggers. How? How to deal with a competitive sister in law? Maybe by not sharing your share of deals with her, not speaking about your goals and success in front of her. It will only save you from being pulled down unnecessarily.
7. Never doubt yourself
It is very easy to doubt yourself when someone ignorantly criticizes you for your efforts and tries to overpowers you with their achievements. They implant seeds of doubt and fear within you so that the next time when you think of doing something good for yourself you drop the idea and this way that kills their competition and rule.
8. Focus on good things
Even though there are several reasons you might feel low or not so good about yourself, but deep inside you know that you tried and you did something for yourselves. You took up an idea and tried to give it as shape, put your heart and soul in it. How will you allow anyone to take control of something very precious from you and ruin it? Think about it.
9. Continue being you
The best response you can give to your competitive sister in law is to continue working on yourself, continue to flare, and upgrade yourself. Either she will built-up more hatred towards you or mellow down a little in the future. But chances are you will emerge as a person who is never affected by such negativities around you.
10. She is not your competition
Last but not the least, at least you don’t fall into that hopeless pit. Where you too start competing with her and try to win over her. No, this is not how it should end, if your sister in law is being insensitive and irrational if you join her you become twice irrational as her. Your only competition should be you, to be a better you daily.
How can such a competitive environment cause stress
Be it a sister in law or a mother in law who tries to demolish your self-esteem by continuously competing with everything you do, every move you make even for yourself as an individual. Never let this whole drama, affect you personally. I know in such a situation when you are constantly judged, labeled, criticized, and competed with, it is very hard to not get irritated and stressed.
But you have to believe in yourself and be your own light. Guide yourself towards your own self. Make your in laws believe that you are not their competition but an individual traveling her journey of life, who has to do what she is supposed to do irrespective of how she is perceived. From today, just harness these five traits in your personality which will help you overcome the negativity caused by such stubborn and stressful people. Five ‘P’s towards your self:
A woman is known for her two qualities the most, her ability to persevere and stay patient. When she imbibes these two qualities in her life with positivity, passion, and purpose. She becomes insatiable, unstoppable, and the center of her own universe. For attaining such space you don’t have to belittle anyone, degrade or undermine anyone, you have to simply keep working on your own self, never close the path to your own heart.
There comes a time when we are surrounded by toxic and hateful people we lose our ability to focus on the good things in our life. We go into self-pity, we feel worthless and like a useless thing merely existing in this world to fulfill our duties towards our family. But that is where the catch is, and it is perfectly ok to feel in this way but what is not ok is to shift the entire focus on only such feeling.
I am sure everyone has something to be grateful for. Gratefulness comes from within and when you start being grateful for that one thing that is good in your life, no competitive, nasty, insecure, or jealous sister in law can take away from you what is yours.
Lots of love and gratitude
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.