How to deal with interfering sister in law? Have you been exploiting your over this lately? How much is too much and when you need to draw a line of control? Have you ever thought about it?
An interfering person is one who cannot resist invading others’ boundaries. They don’t understand their limits and gets involved in other’s life without permission. I have seen many cases in which situations turned very complicated for a daughter in law because a sister in law could not release herself of her insecurities and authoritative nature.
The problem with sister in laws is that they see a new woman in her family as a threat and a competition, whereas she is just a life partner of her brother and a part of her family who needs emotional and physical accommodation in her life. Let us discuss, how to deal with interfering sister in law and yet save your relationship with your husband and other members.
How to deal with interfering sister in law?
I wish no one had such a sister in law who would interfere and provide her unsolicited interruptions in your married life, but since you have got the one in your life, you need to deal with her. We should hope for the best and also prepare ourselves for the worst. Before we head on to the ways for how to deal with an interfering sister in law, you need to understand that who actually is an interfering sister in law and what causes her unwarranted interventions.
Who is an interfering sister in law?
An interfering sister in law is the one who puts her nose in between each and every decision you and your husband are involved or related with. Simply because she could be jealous, unhappy, or biased with you. A biased sister in law could be highly intervening in your family life and she feels she knows everything and you can never be a part of any important decision. Her insecure and jealous nature influence other family members as well which creates trouble in your paradise. You need to take care when you see the below signs in your sister in laws:
- She rejects you
- She disapproves of your choices
- She dominates you
- She gaslights you
- She invades your privacy
These are the most common and prominent signs of an interfering sister in law, which proves that a sister in law even though she is married and has her own household and family members to look out for, can never respect boundaries. She can be of great help in making this work between you and other family members, starting from your spouse, why in laws? Some husbands also create trouble in married life, isn’t it?
But sister in laws prefers to gossip, pull you down, and add more to your problems by their unwarranted intervention. They will compare the before-after scenario and will make you feel unworthy in all the ways. With my experience, I can share that a sister in law is someone a mother in law always vouch for, even if she decides to intervene, she should only when she sees some misunderstanding occurring between family members to help things sorted out.
Nine useful hacks to deal with interfering sister in law and save your relationships
How to deal with interfering sister in law? If you are staying with such an interfering sister in law the scene gets more difficult as it will be an everyday party in which you will be cleaning the mess in the end. She will never respect your marital privacy, she will try to impose her thoughts and manipulate your husband which will only create a problematic situation in your marriage life. The amount of stress caused by a disturbed relation with in laws is always understated and no one cares about it. But as it is said prevention is better than cure, hence we can find ways to prevent ourselves from any stressful conditions by adopting few measures for ourselves.
|1.Maintain marital Privacy|
|2.Understand sibling bond|
|3. Involve your husband|
|4. Speak and make your point|
|5. Don’t disrespect but withdraw|
|6. Do not entertain|
|7. Stay confident in your approach|
|8. Ask for help|
|9. Stress on boundaries|
1.Maintain marital privacy
No matter how much your husband is deeply connected with his sister, after marriage, there needs a call for some privacy. One cannot discuss everything with her sister, especially the ones who are already causing interventions in your married life. He can be nice to her but he should be willing to take responsibility for her actions as well.
2.Understand sibling bond
You need to understand that they share a bond before you entered their life and which needs to be intact even after your marriage. Understand the bond and try to observe what is causing her to behave in such an irrational manner which could ultimately harm her own brother’s married life. Sometimes sister in laws acts irrationally out of possessiveness and which she passes to the mother in laws as well.
3. Involve your husband
How to deal with interfering sister in law? When you notice a pattern, be it with your husband or other family members, try to involve your husband and help him see things that could make a big shape in the future. Maybe when your husband will speak to her, she would mellow down a lot or at least know her limits. It is not at all bitching or backstabbing your sister in law, but taking immediate actions on things that needs concern.
4. Speak and make your point
The most common problem of involving your husband in such issues is that you are labeled as the influencer who is provoking her brother against her. But still, you need to make your point, you can certainly not change the way she thinks about the whole situation but you can try to make a point by saying how it is affecting you. Do not expect them to understand you but you remain intact on your stand. In my blog, How to deal with in laws and yer remain stress-free? I have elaborated on this aspect which could be a very helpful read.
5. Don’t disrespect but withdraw
Probability is that even after trying to communicate in your best manner you will be perceived as a manipulator, selfish, or a nasty woman who is trying to steal her brother and her family from her, there you need to withdraw silently. How to deal with interfering sister in law? Creating noise won’t help you when you have no one to understand your reasons. Take your time but withdraw from such terrible situations.
6. Do not entertain
How to deal with interfering sister in law? An interfering sister in law will interfere in meager issues like what you cook, how you cook, what you wear, and even how you take care of your kids. Now, how long will you keep your patience and not retaliate? The best way is to not entertain her much. Stay at distance, set a boundary if she cannot understand her boundaries at least you do.
7. Stay confident in your approach
If you feel you are doing your best and making all the efforts to make things work for you and create a positive environment in your house, you need not worry about your approach. The one who doubts your intentions will always intervene, you need to stay confident to maintain your stand. Your mother in law will get influence by her interference but if you continue to be yourself, later on, she might discover the real you.
8. Ask for help
Apart from your husband if you feel any of the family members or any of your friends could help you see things from a different perspective or help you in your disturbed situation then do reach out. How to deal with interfering sister in law? Do not dwell on gossiping and bickering but try to help yourself by venting out. It is very important for your mental being. We pent up a lot of grudges and negativity inside us, which only harm our mental health, we need to vent out such negativity occasionally.
9. Stress on boundaries
The worst part about dealing with toxic in laws is that they do not understand the importance of boundaries, they keep on invading them all the time. How to deal with interfering sister in law? The more you try to escape from the unwarranted situations the more you find yourself in one, so why not firmly set a boundary wherein you don’t have to cross paths? If she is married, then you already have less direct interaction with her, but if she is still with you, then it is imperative to set a limitation.
How can we help them? Or can we help them at all?
After knowing the cause and effect of such interfering behavior of a sister in law all we can do is to either make them understand the possible damage it could cause to the relationships or we can simply choose to see through her. It becomes even worse when you have to stay and deal daily with such a person.
You can surely make a fair attempt to let her know that you are not her enemy and you want a peaceful environment in the house. It is difficult for a person with such a dominant mindset to see things mindfully but trying is all we can do. How to deal with interfering sister in law?
- Tell her she is still an essential part of the family.
- You are not here to replace her but to make some place for yourself.
- Her interventions are not allowing you to make things work
- Her interventions are causing problems between you and your husband
- Help her to identify if she is dealing with some problem in her personal life
- Tell her you both can be friends and make a house full of positive energy
- Talk and try to rule out her insecurities.
- Involve other family members
As I mentioned, trying is all you can do from your end as you cannot change her behavior but also it does not mean that you have to bear with her overbearing nature. Dealing with in laws and keeping your calm is the biggest challenge you face in your daily life. But believe me, it is very important to not lose your composure and your sanity over other’s irresponsible behavior.
……………………………………………………………………………Priyanka is a published author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you, Ardhaviram and Broken & Beautiful. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.