Does your sister in law hate you? Has this thought been bothering you off lately and how can it not take a toll on your mental health when you have to live with someone who hates you?
It is very difficult to handle such a relationship filled with hatred. Hate is a very deep emotion, invoking anger, and resentment. I have heard unique stories of hatred. Some weird and baseless too. It only made me think about how can a woman hate another woman for no specific reason?
In this blog, we will identify signs which will help you understand if you are dealing with a sister in law who hates you, and then we will move ahead and find ways to deal with one.
7 signs you are dealing with a sister in law who hates you
Does your sister in law hate you or you are just overthinking and if not, let us try to understand some signs showing that your sister in law does hold deep grudges against you? Once you know the signs you know how to deal with a situation, at least you try to stay away to curtail problematic situations.
|1. She rejects you|
|2. She abuses you|
|3. She makes you feel inferior|
|4. She treats you like an outsider|
|5. She insults you|
|6.She feels you are stealing her brother|
|7. She is insecure|
1. She rejects you
Even though you put your best foot forward, and try to make things work. Just because of her dismissive nature, she prefers to reject your options. She will never consider your views and agreement. No matter how hard you try to “fit in” (which you shouldn’t in the first place, refer to my blog titled, How to deal with in Laws who hate you? Someone who hates you will never appreciate you. Hate is a powerful emotion, although a negative emotion. But when a person is filled with so much hatred against you, they do not see things and as they are.
2. She abuses you
The disgust, the anger, and the irritation towards a person come out in a form of verbal abuse and in worst cases mental abuse too. It is said that a three-inch tongue is powerful enough to kill a man six feet high, just imagine if you are staying with a person who abuses you, how badly it could affect you.
3. She makes you feel inferior
A person who hates you will always try to belittle you because she will only see bad in you. She will pinpoint everything you are not or could not do in your life. She interferes in everything you do, it doesn’t matter if it concerns her or not. Right from your education, job, your looks, your personality, or anything which could make you feel inferior and lose all the confidence you have in yourself.
4. She treats you like an outsider
Does your sister in law hate you? It could be yes when she treats you like an outsider. Even though you are her brother’s life partner, she might not treat you as a family member. One of the most indirect methods for a sister in law to give the message straight that you are not a part of the family. Even when you try to be a part of regular family conversations, you are not welcome.
5. She insults you
You are blamed, criticized rather crucified by her cunning words. She leaves you sobbing and makes you pity yourself. Sound familiar? Some sister in laws fills their heart with so much hatred that they completely deny seeing things from a different perspective and will leave no chance of insulting you based on your knowledge, your values, your appearance.
6. She feels you are stealing her brother
The root cause in most of the cases. We all know sibling bond stories because we all have one. I wonder how things change after marriage, or the thought process changes? It is natural for a brother to pay attention to his newlywed wife but a sister in law and even mother in laws feel jealous and start comparing when they see him doing things for his wife as he never did those things for his mother or sister.
7. She is insecure
With the fear of you stealing her brother from her to you taking her place in her house, she develops a huge amount of jealousy and insecurity. She blames you for everything, even if you are not responsible but suddenly you are the center of everything bad happening to her.
How to deal with a sister in Law who hates you
Does your sister in law hate you? or she could be your friend if she tries to accommodate you? It could be a very different scenario if instead of hatred a sister in law chooses humanity and tries to be your friend. Few are really lucky and blessed to have such sister in law who protects and stands by her brother’s wife. But if you notice any of the above signs then it is time you figure out ways to deal with it in order to survive the hatred you receive.
The worst part is either we will end up miserable, irritated, and frustrated which we will surely pass on to our husband and children, or if we read the signs ad take small mindful actions as self-help tools, we can lessen the damage we are causing inside our little mental space. So, does your sister in law hate you? To understand this, let’s head on to discuss ten ways to deal with a biased and ignorant sister in law.
|1.Draw a line|
|2. Try to converse|
|3. Don’t react|
|4. Don’t expect|
|5. Involve your husband|
|8. Prioritize what matters|
|9. Invest in you|
|10. Learn to detach|
1.Draw a line
An ignorant sister in law will never think before invading your boundary and entering your zone simply to ruin your mental peace. Sometimes all the drama will leave you rattling and wondering where did you go wrong. But when you know that a person somehow dislikes you or your presence around her, it is better to draw a line, a boundary.
Drawing a boundary here does not mean being rude but being careful about your sanity, the more you will allow her to enter your zone, the more you will find yourself in a stressful situation.
2. Try to converse
It is said that merely by talking we can eliminate a lot of misunderstandings and readdress some pre-conceived notions. You can try to converse about the issues with your sister in law. Try to make her talk and understand the core reason for her hatred against you.
There is no assurance that she will talk and things will turn out fine but at least you will have that satisfaction that you did your part in making things work with your sister in law instead of pondering over the question, does your sister in law hate you?
3. Don’t react
I have learned this and with my experience, I will tell you. Negative and negative never works. Once you know something is broken you try to mend it or you just leave it. If you give a reaction to everything you will end up being frustrated.
You can try but you cannot change other’s perceptions about you, you cannot control other’s behavior and to save your sanity sometimes no response is the best response.
4. Don’t expect
Expectations hurt the most and when you are surrounded by negative feelings you are bound to get affected by them. You also feel that as a woman your sister in law she should understand and support you in a given situation.
Expecting something from your family members is not an unacceptable thing but yes expecting things from a person who does not like you or belittles will only hurt you more. When you expect less you free yourself from others.
5. Involve your husband
Your husband is your life partner and he should be aware of everything. Your sister in law could be biased, jealous, or anything for any reason but the core reason would always be the separation anxiety, the divided attention, and the love for her brother. When you involve your husband and make him understand the situation, he might help to feel comfortable.
Although it is very disheartening to live with some who hates you. They make your life a living hell and leave no room for any positivity. But that is life all about, finding ways, focusing on the good and accepting challenges, rising every time we fall, isn’t it?
How long will you stay in the negative zone? How much you hold on and take things to your heart? You have started ignoring and let go of things that affect you. Start practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness is nothing but a psychological process of living for the moment and in the moment. Paying attention to your own thoughts and not doubting or judging yourself.
By this, we help ourselves heal and protect ourselves from over-thinking, mental arguments, and unnecessary assumptions about the future.
Do not step into her dimension, remember point number one. Set healthy boundaries, draw a line so that you could avoid maximum emotional damage to yourself. Cutting down on people and avoiding an argumentative situation does not make you weak or a loser, but it makes you more resilient.
You can avoid meeting her, talking to her if you feel she will not get along well with you. You can always make a polite excuse, do not leave your kindness because of others. People will be there to judge you but you have to choose what matters the most for your mental well-being.
8. Prioritize what matters
Which one is a greater question to ponder? Does your sister in law hate you or is it affecting your relationship with your husband and kids? Your marriage is not only about your sister in law or mother in law and finding ways to deal with horrible in laws. Your prime concern should be your mental health, your husband, your kids, and the peaceful environment of your house.
It is always seen that when there is a lot of arguments, fights, and quarrels in a house, the whole atmosphere turns negative and takes away the peaceful energy of the house, which ultimately affects your family members and your relationships with them. You need to prioritize what matters the most for you.
9. Invest in you
The biggest problem with a woman and especially an Indian woman is that they completely forget about their sole existence once they get married. They forget what they are capable of, they forget to value themselves before anybody else. Does your sister hate you? Is your mother in law jealous of you or you got a biased sister in law? Even when your mind is full of such questions you should not forget there does exist a world beyond them.
Invest a little time in yourself, upgrade yourself, learn new things, and pump up yourselves.
Learn to detach from your expectations, from your feelings of acceptance, from your urge to get approval, appreciated, validated. Free yourself from all the expectations and focus on the positive side. Have no strings attached with such a person who puts you down and does not waste your energy mending what’s alr4eady broken. Tap out and breathe.
Why your sanity is important while dealing with a hateful sister in law
Mental health is as important as your physical health. With a sane mind, you gain strength to fight for yourself, to stand for yourself. No matter how toxic your mother in laws or the whole family could get, you need to take care of your children, your parents, and other things too.
If you will lose your mind over someone’s hatred, you will lose the real essence of your life. The joy of life is not in getting what you want but finding happiness in what you have got. I am sure when you will shake your box of life, you will find many such moments to cherish. Next time if your mind rattles over thoughts like, does your sister in law hate you or does she deliberately belittles you, try feeding your mind with some positive energy boosters to fight those negative thoughts.
You can start with following basic practices
- Practice self-love – Self-love is not selfish.
- Focus on the good – Your kids, your parents, your career.
- Meditate – Take time for your mental health.
- Exercise – Stay fit and feel good about yourself.
- Breathe a little more – Live in the moment.
These are very basic life skills anybody could adopt in their lives at any point in time. Maybe that is why they are so undermined. You might wonder what good meditation will bring to you when even you don’t know how to deal with a mother in law who hates you? But unless you take that step towards your betterment, you will never know.
You just have to devote 15 minutes from the 24 hours of a day, I never believe when someone says they are busy, and it is not possible to meditate and exercise. It is all about defining priorities and while dealing with so much mess around our lives we put our mental and physical health at the lowest.
A sister in law who is hateful towards you today might turn a little soft over the years, she might mellow down a little. We all have witnessed such scenarios, isn’t it? But in this whole process of getting hurt, feeling dejected, and crying you will lose your own self. And before you lose your sanity, your mental health, take charge!
The one who is hurting you today maybe has gone through worse in the past and no one showed her the right direction and her behavior towards you is what makes her feel cathartic. It doesn’t mean you will allow her to do so, but need to understand that you cannot control her actions, but definitely your reactions. Do not pressurize yourself with the societal norms and standard which doesn’t even define clear rules for a daughter in laws. Live the best version of your life. Trust your path. Stay Sane.
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.