Troubling to get along with mother in law? I have been wondering this, even after writing so many blogs on this aspect, I feel this question needs more attention.
One of my friends recently got married and is having a real hard time dealing with her mother in law. She doesn’t know how to talk to her, she is not able to enjoy her newly married life because of the pressure she is going through.
In this blog, let us try to find some answers to this question.
Why Is It Troubling To Get Along With Mother In Law?
Why do our mothers-in-law don’t accept us? The fight begins with this question. Why I acceptance so hard and inclusion so impossible. We as daughters in law always try to fit in and make someplace in our in-law’s heart but it seldom happens.
The majority of women report tension in their relationship with their mother-in-law. This sad situation got me thinking about the stereotypical mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship. Why do they find it so hard to accept us? Why do they create problems and while I was thinking about these pondering thoughts, I came out with few possibilities, which you might resonate with.
9 possible reasons that stop your mother in law to get along with you
There could be many reasons why in-law relationships are so legendary difficult to manage but if you look closely it really is a game of setting boundaries and meeting expectations. The whole game starts when a daughter in law enters her in-law’s house with some pre-conceived notions and she meets reality and it hits her harder than anything else.
Why is it troubling to get along with mother in law? Wasn’t she prepared for this day, the day when someone else will enter her son’s life, the day when someone else will enter her house? Wasn’t she ready for it? Everyone knows this, rather waits for this day, then what happens to her, god knows.
Here are a few possible reasons she finds it difficult to gel with you:
|2.) Differing expectations|
|3.) You are probably not her choice|
|4.) You belong to a different caste or religion|
|5.) Jealousy and competitiveness|
|6.) You win hearts easily|
|7.) You are talented|
|8.) Too quick to judge|
|9.) Narrow mindedness|
There exists a sense of competitiveness and insecurity, a fear of losing authority, and her son to a newcomer in his life. The competition here is not for love, but rather over who has more influence over the man. Not every mother is able to surpass this feeling and think with a clear mind. Just when they fail to accept their daughters in law as a companion for their son and not a threat to her, they are no more problematic.
2.) Differing expectations
Why is it troubling to get along with mother in law? Because of the differing expectation to manage the day to day things. Unmet expectations disappoint relationships and especially when you are staying with your in-laws the stakes are higher.
3.) You are probably not her choice
This could be one of the reasons it is troubling to get along with mother in law. She will always demean and criticize you because you are probably not hr choice and your husband and her son married you against her will.
4.) You belong to a different caste or religion
In India, it is a prevalent scenario, if a girl hails from a different caste or religion, she is treated as an outsider throughout her life. If they fail to learn the language and adapt to the new culture they become more unacceptable, why can’t a daughter in law just be? Why can’t a mother in law say that it’s ok, it doesn’t matter?
5.) Jealousy and competitiveness
There are cases where mother in-laws get super jealous of daughter in laws, thereby contributing to the latter’s stress level. Jealousy is a self-consuming thing. Hence, people who are envious can’t hide their jealousy for very long and it affects their relationship.
6.) You win hearts easily
Just because you are easy-going and well-adjusting, you make a place for yourselves but your mother in law might not like this. She might feel that she is losing authority, hence dislike you.
7.) You are talented
I have personally experienced this when you are good at a few things, you are compared with someone who is best at it to make you feel inferior and worthless. A typical nature which is her problem, not yours.
8.) Too quick to judge
Just because you both don’t gel well, she will too quick to assume things and judge you. A mother in law who could not see any good in you will prefer to judge you only to make her feel comfortable.
9.) Narrow mindedness
Don’t wear this, don’t go out, don’t work. Stay at home and look after the kids. Some mothers-in-law can act like there is only one way for their daughter-in-law to live her life, which is as a wife and mother and little else. But she should support and encourage her daughter-in-law to find fulfillment with other things in life, in addition to her children and partner.
In the end, I would say that most of the time, your mother-in-law’s issues have more to do with her fears, complexes, and insecurities, so you should try your best to not take them personally or internalize them. Lastly, I have also observed that no matter how hard we try we cannot change them, just be ourselves, and maybe eventually she will come around. Till then, just be yourself and continue to be your best version. Take care.
Lots of love and gratitude
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.