How to deal with horrible in laws and not lose your mind. Staying with someone who cannot even stand you is no less than a pain one could undergo daily. In this blog, we will discuss nine ways to knock out the after-effects of staying with the horrible in laws.
No matter how much you know your in laws before your marriage through words or some common acquaintance, you only come to know about the real picture once you live with your in laws as a family member.
No matter how much you prepare yourself to put your best foot forward, you cannot predict the worse. Let us now discuss how to deal with horrible in laws without losing your mind.
How to deal with horrible in laws and live a peaceful life
How to deal with horrible in laws? I know this question is troubling you a lot because dealing with horrible in laws is a very difficult situation. Let me share an example with you all, A very recent experience of my neighbor could shed some light on this matter. A very well-educated and beautiful 22-year-old girl got married to a decent family; they appeared to be one of the coolest in laws any girl could get.
The situation changed drastically as soon as she entered her new house. She ended up with a narcissictic mother in law and a very toxic husband. Her in laws treated her unfairly and unequally and she was asked not to stay in touch with her parents henceforth. Imagine the amount of mental trauma it may have caused her. A young girl enters her new house with so many dreams and desires and all she gets is a reality check that you are not allowed to dream about little positivity of life, that life can never be a bed of roses.
Of course, there always be situations like this in our life, but we as family members could at least look out for each other, what are families meant for then?
9 kick-ass ways to help you rule out the Mental Stress
Staying with them is an even worse condition. But if there is no other option and you have to face the heat daily, then let me help you prepare yourself inside out to keep your sanity while dealing with such in laws.
|1.Strike a deal with your Spouse|
|2. Keep yourself busy|
|3. Ignore any snide remark|
|4. Avoid confrontations|
|5. Do not take criticism at the heart|
|6.Focus on the root cause|
|7. Forget about changing them|
|8. Don’t blame yourself|
|9. Stay positive|
1.Strike a deal with your Spouse
When you are dealing with your in laws who are being disrespectful to you and trying to pull you down continuously, you need to involve your husband. Not because you want him to pick up a fight against them and support only you, but to make him see the exact picture of your relationship with your in laws. He has known them and he needs to understand the situation to take his stand.
Be assertive when you convey your thoughts and tell him clearly that you do not want to disturb his relationship with his parents but he needs to know what is going around and how it is affecting you. Sometimes even he is in a difficult situation if he is under control by his father and has to seek his permission before taking any decision, trust me it is a very difficult situation too, then he might find it really tough to support you. But it is when you and your husband develop an understanding and are clear about the surrounding situation, then your life will become easy and you will actually become each other’s supporter.
2. Keep yourself busy
The best way to avoid any drama going around in your life is to channelize your energy into the positive and meaningful things worth getting stressed for. Instead of getting stressed over your in law’s way of approach towards you, keep yourself busy in any activity you used to do before marriage.
Pick up a hobby, read books, and never forget what you are capable of. It is very easy to fall prey to such horrible behavior, and most of the time we lose our inner spark, which leaves us in a no-hope zone. In the end, it will be about you someday so start working today.
3.Ignore any snide remark
When your in laws disrespect you and do not appreciate your ways of doing things, you are bound to receive some nasty and snide remarks from their end frequently. Which, if not ignored, will leave you frustrated and overwhelmed. Then how to deal with horrible in laws who play with your peace of mind? How to live with such disrespectful in laws, who don’t care about you?
The only solution to this problem is the very famous ear-to-ear rule, do not let their words enter your head, and create mental trouble for you. Just listen from one year and pass it through another. It sounds easy but very difficult to adopt, right? If we have to save ourselves from any further mental attacks, then ignoring their unpleasant commenting is the best practice we can adopt right from the beginning. Train your mind for better things.
4. Avoid confrontations
This is very important. In most of the cases I have seen that when your mother-in-law or sister-in-law interacts with you alone, their behavior towards you is more upsetting as compared to interacting with you in front of the other family members. Now, this is a very toxic and unhealthy situation to deal with.
Instead of taking the task of exposing her in your hands and stressing yourself over something, which is again beyond your control. Avoid meeting her alone or confronting any argument. You have nothing to lose except for your sanity, and this way you could avoid some trouble you.
5. Do not take criticism at the heart
The more you accept them not appreciating you, the more it becomes easy for you to survive, yes I know it doesn’t sound nice listening to such things about yourself but the soon we mend things inside us the more it becomes easy to overlook what causes heartache and look into another direction.
It is possible and I will tell you how, when your horrible in laws criticize you, see them as some dissatisfied people who could not do things as they wanted and live life on their own terms. When you see them as the victim of the situation, you will start freeing yourself from their hatred. After a while, their words will start losing impact on your inner self.
6.Focus on the root cause
The root cause of all the bitterness in your relationship with your in laws is that they will have to share a very important part of their life with you. They deliberately ignore everything against their insecurities and illogical assumptions towards you. Your mere presence in the house imbibes a sense of jealousy in your mother in law.
Maybe they would not have a problem with you if they would have met you somewhere else, but now that you married to their son and are living in the same house, the limiting belief system only gives rise to jealousy and comparisons. It is not restricted to mother in laws only, your sister in law also sometimes sees you as her competition. Here you need to focus on the triggers, the root cause, and try to maintain a healthy boundary respecting their feelings.
7. Forget about changing them
How to deal with horrible in laws? Just drop the idea of changing them. You cannot do that, the possibility is when you try too hard you might end up hurting yourself more. To be frank, no matter how bad it looks but your in laws are not bad people (some exceptions are there) but their insecurities and hatred have taken a toll on them and they cannot see things clearly even if their actions are damaging relationships.
If you are lucky enough and they realize their part of mistake in some later stage of life, by that time their mistakes and mishandles would have wounded relationships so deeply that they will not even accept and apologize.
But if you see some signs of acceptance and improvement, please let go of the past grudges.
8.Don’t blame yourself
The biggest mistake we all do is to reason for our own selves. When we don’t find answers to brutal questions, we blame ourselves. How will you take responsibility for other’s behavior towards you? When you can only control yours. There are times when you even fail to watch out for your own actions and reactions then how can we expect to control other’s behavior?
Treating you unequally or with disrespect is a choice they have made under circumstances which even they do not understand but as they prefer to live an ignorant life, somehow seeing you in a miserable condition makes them satisfied. When you blame yourself for their actions, you help them win over your inner self. You lose all your inner peace.
9. Stay positive
The bottom line of any reaction is that in the end we do not want things to go out of our hands and once these things affect us on a cellular level things change for the worst. I know sometimes it sounds really toxic when you are asked to stay positive in every situation but a little bit of positivity is better than any sort of negativity around us, isn’t it?
What happens inside us is difficult to understand, but it could lead to major destruction in the long run. Our physical fitness depends entirely upon our psychological health. Staying positive and seeing positive aspects in every situation only strengthens you day by day.
How to deal with horrible in laws and maintain your sanity
It is unfortunate that you got horrible in laws to deal with, but no matter how much we stress ourselves thinking about them and their behavior, we cannot completely falsify the truth of their existence in our life.
Also, let me point out here that no matter how much daughter in laws gets blamed for disturbing the harmony of the house, one should not ignore the medically proven fact that living with in laws who don’t respect you increases the overall mental health problems in women. In one of my previous blog posts, How Living with in Laws is a Bad Idea, I have specifically pointed out 12 shocking reasons which reveal the amount of mental stress a woman goes through when she gets stuck with horrible in laws.
How to deal with horrible in laws? What we need to worry about is how this will impact us, how far will we allow ourselves to become a victim of the situation. Will we spend our whole life revolves around the chaos created by the in laws in our life or will we step up and take charge of our life? Always keep in mind that what happens inside you shows outside through your actions and daily life approach.
Right from cooking, to managing kids, losing your temper quickly, and not feeling happy about anything could be all the signs of your irritability towards your in laws, your helplessness towards the situation. But we cannot ignore the fact that we should be grateful for what we have and hold them more closely. This can be a source of adding a spark to your life.
Your life is precious and many people around you might depend upon you; Your kids need you to be their guide and emotional coach. You cannot do justice with the other roles you play apart from being a daughter in law if you continue to be the same version of your life. Take charge of your life, take care of your mental health, and ignore the unpleasant things around you and leave everything to time.
Lots of love and gratitude
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.