How to deal with an insecure sister in law is a question asked by many daughters in law. It sounds mean but trust me, it isn’t because our feelings as DILs count as much as their intentions.
How To Deal With An Insecure Sister In Law?
An insecure person extremely lacks self-confidence. Hence if you feel that your sister in law is insecure, believe that she is struggling with herself. She might not like anything about her and would not feel good enough which elevates her insecurities.
Insecurity, in general, is normal and manageable but still, it may affect the life of the person insignificantly with the burden of negative thoughts and doubts. However, if there is some root cause of this insecurity then it might turn into a severe mental illness in the long run such as narcissism, anxiety, paranoia, and addictive or dependent personalities if left unattended.
Your entry in her life makes her more vulnerable when she compares her life and herself with you. For the majority of people, acceptance doesn’t come easy and when we are talking about in-laws, the question of accepting someone the way they are is beyond the imagination capacity.
When you as a daughter in law enter her family, you spark a different light, a new hope-filled with new desires and dreams. The pressure of fitting-in and loved by everyone makes you go out of your way to do things. Sometimes you outperform her and everyone praises you, your husband who is her brother now spends less time with her, all this and a lot more causes these sense of insecurities and competitiveness in a sister-in-law. How to deal with an insecure sister in law then? First, let us understand a few signs of her insecurity.
5 signs your sister in law is insecure
Dealing with an insecure person and seeing him react to his insecurities makes you understand what direction that person is lacking. Insecurities are the result of self-loathing, lower self-esteem, or maybe some personal loss. Maybe she needs some proper direction to take charge of her situation.
Now if you are a kind-hearted person who wants to make peace and help your sister in law to drop this unnecessary baggage of insecurities, then here are few signs which will help you to understand her better.
|1.) Quick to assume
|2.) Quick to react
|3.) Too much bragging
|4.) Constant comparison
|5.) Less appreciative
1.) Quick to assume
An insecure person is always too quick to assume things, as they hardly see things as it is and goes through the facts. Your sister-in-law who is insecure of you will assume even before you say anything. Things you do will be judged and criticized because of her dominating nature.
Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. The one who assumes will dismiss your actions and never try to understand you.
2.) Quick to react
Call them a bully if you want, but to hide their insecurities they will not step back to offense you and be disrespectful towards you. How to deal with an insecure sister in law? By understanding that her reactions are not your testament but her own, her assumptions, her judgementality leads to her impulsive reactions.
3.) Too much bragging
Bragging is a mask for insecurity. Bragging is usually perceived as an acceptable defense mechanism to be used as a tactic to divert the topic and bring the attention towards the person, she would like to have all the attention to herself due to her sense of insecurities.
The reason behind her insecurity could be the lack of skill or knowledge in that particular topic, but she cannot take it. Hence she will brag and choose to stay ignorant about the facts.
4.) Constant comparison
If your sister in law is insecure then she may try to show that she is smart by pointing out flaws and shortcomings. If someone will compliment your dress, she will not only tell that it is out of fashion but will also prove that she has got the most latest one.
This constant comparing nature and belittling you will only increase her anxiousness and she needs to know that.
5.) Less appreciative
She will never appreciate you. No matter how gorgeous you look or how delicious you cook. Her insecurities will overpower her mind all the time. The one who is insecure will never like appreciate others, they cannot see people growing and would always find faults in others.
On the contrary, appreciating others projects your leadership skills, making you look confident and graceful.
How to help an insecure sister in law? 5 useful ways
Insecurities could be a result of underlying issues such as social anxiety, depressive tendencies, negative thought patterns, and an inability to feel safe. We all have our insecurities which may manifest in a variety of ways. Insecurity traits could lead to aggressive behavior along with an underlying power imbalance. How to deal with an insecure sister in law? Maybe by holding her hands and let her know that it is ok to feel like this and we can work it out together.
If you feel she is hard to get along and doesn’t appreciate your help, you continue to do your part for minimizing her anxiety when you are around. The constant comparison and hateful nature of your sister in law make her less approachable at times but do not leave your kindness and maybe someday she will no more see you as a threat.
|1.) Help her to see good in herself
|2.) Encourage her
|3.) Spend some time together
|4.) Acknowledge her feelings
|5.) Validate her feelings
1.) Help her to see good in herself
How to deal with an insecure sister in law? By helping her look at the brighter side. We are not our insecurities, we are what we think about ourselves and when someone validates what we are thinking in a positive manner, it certainly helps.
For example, if you feel beautiful from inside it radiates outside and you look beautiful. When you see your sister in law feeling jealous of insecure looking at you don’t take it personally, there isn’t any problem with you but her perception about you which triggers her insecurity when she sees you.
2.) Encourage her
She might be rude and arrogant due to her insecure nature. She might be over-protective about herself and will never come to you for any help. encourage her indirectly even if she is less accessible. Help her understand that it can be worked upon.
Encourage her to talk about her deep-rooted insecurities. Ask her gently to understand what makes her feel this way.
3.) Spend some time together
It’s a human nature that when we see some elements of unwelcome fear we distance ourselves from that person, nothing wrong in it. But sometimes the person might night help and before giving up on that person if you try to sit down with her and try to talk, it should help.
Spending time together will make her comfortable in your presence in the long-run she will at least see you as a threat even if she doesn’t appreciate you.
4.) Acknowledge her feelings
How to deal with an insecure sister in law? Don’t tell her that she is wrong, don’t try to dismiss her opinions. Opinions are never wrong, it is just an opinion. Don’t take it personally. When you acknowledge her feelings and fear with the sensitivity you help them mellow down.
Insecurities are hard to deal with, it leaves a person dissatisfied. And it is precisely the lack of support that makes a person feel more insecure.
5.) Validate her feelings
Validation of feelings is important here. Do not shut them down due to their behavior, it will leave them rattling from inside. It is important for them to know that you’re hearing them, even if you find what they are saying is irrational and illogical.
Make them comfortable by saying that these feelings are normal and we can work on it.
In the end, I would say that sometimes the problem is underlying and not how we see it. Helping your insecure sister in law by interacting with her on a regular basis can result in positive change in the long run. It will make your life much more pleasant when the people you are with feel less insecure in your presence, and will also help her to see you the way you are.
Lots of love and gratitude
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.