Sister in law dealing guide, because we all need it. The most confiding relationship in your in laws house could be with your sister in law, only if you are lucky to land up with an evolved one.
A sister in law is someone who is mostly of your age, a little younger or older but can turn out to be your best companion if she chooses to. Sometimes a little cosy corner in your house helps you deal with most of the difficult situations, that could be your sister in law. But what if she chooses to be the other way around?
I will try to make this blog a comprehensive sister in law dealing guide, only to save your sanity. I am not a therapist but I know a thing or two based on my experiences which will surely help you.
Sister in law dealing guide, know when to use it
Why do you need this sister in law dealing guide, why do you want tips on dealing with your sister in laws, the answer is simple, we all are not blessed with an evolved and wise sister in law, who can unbiased and accept us as their own. We hardly get to see sister in laws who become friends, rather we make friends with unknown people but where we are bound by a relationship there we find it so difficult to form a lasting bond.
I agree there are cases wherein a daughter in law to doesn’t gel well with her sister in law but this is hardly the case if we compare the statistics which prove the amount of distress a nasty sister in law or any other family member causes to a daughter in law even in 2020. Yes, we are in 2020 yet we are not spared from the patriarchal beliefs and judgment norms. The burden has become overwhelming and it is only causing invisible wounds in the form of mental distress which in turn affects your health and complete family harmony.
To understand the ways to deal with a sister in law we need to understand a few atypical types of sister in laws. I won’t say the road will become easy but will surely find a shortcut to your mental peace. The sooner the better.
Types of sister in laws
Knowing a type could certainly help you distinguish her quality and intentions, and could help you act accordingly. We are always taught to adjust, compromise, and let go of things. Out of these letting go is something I vouch for, but it should be our way, a way which would help us maintain our inner balance and not lose it.
There are signs that you should not ignore because that is when you realize that you need to step back, introspect, and take necessary actions to deal with a situation. Here we are talking about a few types of sister in law, which will help you understand how to deal with a biased sister in law and add a few valid points in this sister in law dealing guide.
| 1.) Competitive |
| 2.) Biased |
| 3.) Jealous |
| 4.) Interfering |
| 5.) Problem maker |
1.) Competitive
You know when you sister in law is competitive when she bashes you on every occasion, tries to demean you and dismisses all the major accomplishments you have achieved in your life, right from your career to balancing work life and personal life.
2.) Biased
She could be damn biased when it comes to supporting you, no right no wrong, she will simply pick her mother in law who is being disrespectful towards you and will prefer to stay blind to the facts which will cause you a lot of stress.
3.) Jealous
Sister in law could be jealous too when someone admires or appreciates the way you handle things, she may not like it and you can make out from her face. You cannot help it, it’s her problem, not yours, so stop thinking about it.
4.) Interfering
Too much intervention in your personal space, passing remarks and commenting on everything you do and how you take care of things. This interference creates an unnecessary blockage in your way and you fail to perform daily tasks efficiently.
5.) Problem maker
The most common one, is the one who has this compulsion of saying things here and there, doing things without thinking about its effects. They create a mountain out of a molehill and bring attention to your minute mistakes.
How to deal with sister in law
Just imagine you had your first ever doomed encounter with your mother in law after marriage and you chose your sister in law to be the first one to share because you thought she would understand and she retaliated, she dismissed you. Held you responsible and shut you down completely even without listening to you, will you ever be able to reach out to her again? Will you ever be able to stand for your stance?
As I said earlier, it could be a different life story with your in laws, if a sister in law deals with a little sensitivity towards you. If a sister in law tries to be your friend, she could easily cut down on many possible arguments and reasons for fights between you and your mother in law or other family members, but why do they choose the other side and how to deal with a biased sister in law?
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| 1.) How to deal with sister in law who is competitiveA person who is competitive in nature is always looking for some appreciation and recognition. If your sister in law is the one among them, then I must say who will be a victim of her self-bragging moments often. Yours, mine, I did this you did this and I won you lost kinds of conversations are their topmost favorite topics to talk about. They continuously compare their situation with yours and try to compete with you, even in your daily routine work.
The best response you can give to your competitive sister in law is to continue working on yourself, continue to flare and upgrade yourself. Either she will build up more hatred towards you or mellow down a little in the future. But chances are you will emerge as a person who is never affected by such negativities around you. Your only competition should be for you, to be a better version of yourself daily. |
| 2.) How to deal with a sister in laws who is biasedA biased sister in law is not necessarily the bad one or the one who hates you, but yes she is certainly the one who prefers and supports her mother or any other family member over you even if you are right. When a daughter in law is stuck in a difficult situation and knows that mother in law won’t understand she seeks help from a sister in law in most cases thinking she might understand her, but things turn nasty when it is exactly the opposite and she gets backfired.
The bias and the rude behavior could be the by-product of the separation anxiety your sister in law goes through when she sees you in her brother’s life or it could be simply her overpowering nature. Never involve yourself in her situations. It is she who has set boundaries with you at first and now you should maintain it just because you never know when things could turn nasty again. Stay neutral, stay kind but most importantly stay within the set limit. Try to keep your interactions with her personal matters as limited as possible. Maintain a healthy boundary. |
| 3.) How to deal with a sister in law who is jealousA sister in law dealing guide would be incomplete without the elements of jealousy in it. With the fear of you stealing her brother from her you taking her place in her house, she develops a huge amount of jealousy and insecurity. She blames you for everything, even if you are not responsible but suddenly you are the center of everything bad happening to her.
Set healthy boundaries, and draw a line so that you can avoid maximum emotional damage to yourself. Cutting down on people and avoiding an argumentative situation does not make you weak or a loser, but it makes you more resilient. Learn to detach from your expectations, from your feelings of acceptance, from your urge to get approval, appreciated, and validated. Free yourself from all the expectations and focus on the positive side it will help you. |
| 4.) How to deal with a sister in law who interferesAn interfering person is one who cannot resist invading others’ boundaries. They don’t understand their limits and get involved in other’s life without permission. I have seen many cases in which situations turned very complicated for a daughter in law because a sister in law could release herself of her insecurities and authoritative nature.
When you notice a pattern, be it with your husband or other family members, try to involve your husband and help him see things which could take a big shape in the future. Maybe when your husband speaks to her she would mellow down a lot or at least know her limits. It is not at all bitching or backstabbing your sister in law, but taking immediate action on things that needs concern. |
| 5.) How to deal with a sister in law who is a problem makerIt is very difficult to handle a relationship filled with negativity, invoking anger, and resentment. I have heard unique stories of in laws. Some weird and baseless too. It only made me think about how can a woman hate another woman for no specific reason and cause problems in her life.
I have learned this and with my experience, I will tell you. Negative and negative never work. Once you know something is broken you try to mend it or you just leave it. If you give a reaction to everything you will end up being frustrated. You can try but you cannot change others’ perceptions about you, you cannot control others’ behavior and to save your sanity sometimes no response is the best response. |
In the end, I would say we all have been through it and somehow we have either made peace with them or with ourselves. I have made peace with myself and gave up on the whole idea of pleasing her and proving that I am not what she thinks I am but it never worked. I freed myself from the validation and expectations and it felt lighter.
Now it doesn’t bother me much, you cannot make everyone happy, you cannot be loved by everyone, the day you will accept this and give up on the whole idea of proving things and picking up arguments you will find solace. The only way inward is to shut the outward flow of negative energy. Hope this sister in law dealing guide helps someone and they take charge of their life.
