Dealing with a difficult mother in law during pregnancy? Were you prepared for this, by any chance? Or you certainly didn’t saw it coming?
A mother in law is like another child who needs constant admiration, attention, and appreciation, now when you didn’t expect to be expected and expected her to co-operate with you when you are expecting, she throws tantrums, again like a child.
In this blog, let us discuss a few reasons which make it a tad difficult to deal with a mother in law during pregnancy and what we can do about it.
Dealing With A Difficult Mother in Law During Pregnancy
Well, being a mother I know how the pregnancy is for all of us, maybe it is not the same for all of us depending upon the smoothness and criticality of it. But more or less the experiences are a mix of bitter and sweet moments, the best part indeed is to hold the baby in our arms and it makes us feel that oh hell, it was all worth it.
The ones who are staying in a nuclear family have there own set of challenges as they struggle to manage things alone but for the ones who are staying with in-laws after marriage, the pregnancy period brings a lot of difficulties, to listen to a different version from different women, I conducted a brief survey with women I know around me, and the stories were very heart-warming.
Mother in law is a woman first but I could never come to the terms where I could understand her becoming the nastiest version of herself as soon as she becomes a mother in law. Dealing with a difficult mother in law during pregnancy is like fighting two fights one for life and another one for sanity.
On the contrary, it is believed that during pregnancy women are supposed to stay fit, happy, and healthy. How can a woman be all of this under such a difficult and stressful atmosphere, here are few comments I received in my survey which will make your heart melt.
“My mother used to make fun of when I had recurring vomiting. I use to vomit 10-12 times a day and still, she would not let me rest, laughing at me she would say it is not easy to give birth to a child, we all go through this, not a big deal, says Jyoti.”
“I was working and she would expect me to come home and cook, she would wait for me even when I was 8 month and whenever I use to tell her that I am feeling tired today, she would say do you say the same thing to your boss as well, now cook, there were times I would cry in kitchen and still cook the dinner for the family of 8 members, says Deepti.”
“I have had apples or slept empty stomach because my mother in law would continue to make gravies with ginger, garlic, and onion, I use to puke even with the smell of these three things and I had developed a phobia and she would arrogantly say these are tantrums I am throwing to gain attention from my husband, says Vinita.”
Now there are end numbers of experiences that will force you to have a deep introspection or will provoke you to think that what goes wrong? How dealing with a difficult mother in law during pregnancy turns out to be the worst experience for a daughter in law?
The fact is we can never control anybody else’s reaction or how they choose to behave with us, but we can definitely change how it affects us and how much we let them enter our zone, trust me I have learned this a hard way.
7 ways to deal with a difficult mother in law during pregnancy
Here are a few things which we’ll surely help you to get even with the atmosphere of your house even though you are living with a mother in law who demeans you and causes you stress.
1.) Manage your expectations
If it is your first pregnancy, it is very natural to have doubts, fear, and worries. Society plays a significant part in spreading a lot of old-wives tales and since you are going to be a first-time mommy, you feel intimidated and seek a sense of comfort from your mother in law.
You are probably thinking that just because you are expecting she will be humble or kind to you, but people hardly change in any given situation, rather they become more adamant. So managing your expectation will help you to be self-reliant and this is the first step towards dealing with a difficult mother in law during pregnancy.
2.) Prioritize YOU this time
Every time you had an argument with your arrogant mother in law you might have approached her seeking closures, as you want peace in your life, but this time it is her duty more than anyone to take care of you since she is sharing the same house.
If she is still continuing to be her nastiest version you need to stop seeking validation and avoid getting into conflicts, which will only ruin your mental peace and you don’t need to have any stress during your pregnancy, you must stay away from any drama.
3.) Draw a firm boundary line
If you are staying with your mother in law for a while then I am sure you have recognized a set of patterns. How she reacts, when she reacts, if not then do it now, be mindful and identify her triggers being unbiased.
Doing this will help you to set firm boundaries with her and not indulge in any unwanted arguments. She might provoke you and taunt you for being careless and irresponsible, just don’t react.
4.) Ignore as much as you can
Once you are able to set boundaries with your mother in law, try to be less responsive to her. If she is someone who likes to keep on commenting on everything you do, nit-picking and blaming you for all the things happening in the world, you know it is not your problem, it is the problem with her perception and the way she sees you.
One of the best ways for dealing with a difficult mother in law during pregnancy is to ignore her. Don’t go behind changing her perception rather change your attitude towards her, when you try doing this you take away the importance she wants from you, and then the situation becomes just a regular ranting episode for you.
5.) Keep things handy and ready
Why do you even need her help? Why do you expect that she will mellow down just because you are carrying a baby? You married her baby, that was a reason enough for her to be kind to you but when that thing didn’t work, how can this work? Rather than prepare yourself for the worst, the parenting preaching that will begin after the birth of your child is altogether a different game.
Instead of wasting your time dealing with a difficult mother in law during pregnancy, try to look for better things to do. Keep things handy and approachable for you. You will find many helpful tips on the Internet just make sure they are from a valid source, but stuff you need, keep a handbag of immediately required things handy. Instruct your husband about what needs to be done in a state of emergency.
6.) Prepare for post-delivery
Instead of feeling bad about your mother in law’s behavior during pregnancy try to prepare yourself for the after-birth. Pregnancy itself brings about a lot of mood swings, frequent irritation, and anger. You are going to be a mom soon which will give your life a 360-degree turn. If this is your second child then preparing your first child for a new guest is altogether a different responsibility.
Engaging with your difficult mother in law during pregnancy will only ruin your mental energy, this is the time to bond with your baby, read good books and stay close to nature, have enough sleep and good food. Prioritize your mental health and your emotional wellness.
7.) Stay in touch with your parents and friends
Keep in regular touch with your parents, other family members, and friends. It will help you to have a good time talking with them and also if it is getting too difficult staying with you mother in law during your pregnancy then you can also move to your parent’s place till the delivery happens.
It will give you a stress-free environment and peace of mind. In case you cannot go to your parent’s place, try to have a regular conversation with them and update them about your daily routine in general, it will help them to rest assured about your condition and you can have a back up if anything goes out of hand in the worst scenario.
In the end, I would say that these 9 months are the most beautiful time-period in a mother’s life. Just don’t anyone ruin it for you, do not cry over someone’s else insecurities and negative attitude Build resilience in you and avoid any conflict which can put you in a tough spot. This time more than anyone, you need to choose yourself, so be you and stay good. Rise up!
Love and light!
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.