How toxic mothers in law destroy families and ignore the fact that it’s their adamancy which led to the damage.
Every marriage revolves around responsibilities, duties, and the very famous ‘balancing act’, you are perfect daughter in law, only if you know the art of balancing. Sprinkling the right amount of salt in the relationship for it to taste better.
But how is one person’s job when we stand together as a family? Let us discuss some truths about mothers in law in this post.
How Toxic Mothers in law Destroy Families?
A toxic relationship, be it with anyone is characterized by insecurity, dominance, and control. It eaves you feeling drained and unhappy. It damages one’s emotional attributes and leads to a lot of internal stress. How toxic mothers in law destroy families and don’t even realize what they are doing?
In the process of overpowering and the fear of losing her authority, she forgets that she is destroying her own house. She is playing nasty games which will result in an unpleasant atmosphere.
There lies a few truths one never speaks about, a few challenges we are never taught about. We as daughters in law are trained to be adjusting, compromising, and sacrificing but are we ever made ready to deal with some harsh realities of life, and what happened when we just accidentally step on them, ouch, we didn’t saw it coming? Right?
Here are 5 toxic truths that destroy family but no one cares
If you wonder how toxic mothers in law destroy families, few truths will help you get the answers.
Truth #1 – Mothers in-laws feel jealous and insecure
A mother and a wife reserve a very special but different spot in a man’s life. As long as a mother understands this and believes his son, she will not be a problem but the reality hits harder.
How toxic mothers in law destroy families? A toxic mother in law who is so self-centered could never see her son giving a special place in his heart and life to someone who just entered his life a few days back. She can never let the idea of control, go. She can never release herself from her possessive nature and in turn, this behavior starts hampering her relationship with her daughter in law.
Truth #2 – Mothers in law could be narcissistic
A narcissist is possessed with inflated self-importance and patronization. A person with such a trait is a great manipulator and they love their image. They will stay good in front of others, pretend to be very compassionate but they are not how they appear to be. How do we deal with such type of a mother in law?
Did anyone ever teach us, how to handle situations, rather than being a victim of the situation and surrendering to it? Women are easily labeled as weak but how to deal with something so damaged that it breaks everything around it?
Truth #3 – Mothers in law could cause you mental health issues
Hate is a very deep emotion and invoking anger. Mothers in-laws often sent her daughters in law and leaves no chance to express their anger and disgust. It is like a woman against another woman with no rational reason behind it.
If any mother in law is reading this, I would like to ask her, why have you held up so much of hatred inside you, over the years where it could have been easily replaced by core wisdom. The worst part is they make you realize that they hate you in their unique ways.
Truth #4 – Mothers in law can be stressful
Tensions can sometimes build to a point where they tear families apart. Leading to stressful conditions in which people hardly think with a sane mind and the consequences thereafter.
When two individuals who hail from a different culture, tradition, parenting styles, beliefs, and values are suddenly expected to mold them with the new environment. We forget the fact that we can learn new things, adapt to new environments within a proper time frame, but how can we UNLEARN something? Here it starts affecting the emotional well-being of the individual.
Truth #5- Mothers in law can help you bloom
Yes, they can. While all of the above points talks about how a toxic mother in law can destroy families with their adamant nature, it is also a fact that just when they take command of the family in a positive way, things change for good.
Instead of being a foe, if they choose to be friends with you, you will bloom and give your hundred percent in everything you do. This is not anything we don’t know yet we don’t want to practice this evolved approach in our households is disheartening to see.
5 Ways to deal with a toxic mother in law
How toxic mothers in law destroy families and how they ruin your mental peace? Instead of trying to change your mother in law, we can shift our focus on altering our approach. Focus on our own reactions which could save us some sanity.
|1. Don’t blame yourself|
|2. Learn to let go|
|3. Learn to define boundaries|
|4. Give up on changing her|
|5. Stop taking things personally|
1. Don’t blame yourself
It is natural to blame yourself when things don’t fall at pace or when we fail to manage something, we doubt ourselves. You cannot be responsible for everything. Especially when you are dealing with an arrogant mother in law who is least interested in your feelings. You need to choose yourself over someone who cannot see things beyond her.
2. Learn to let go
Holding on grudges and indulging in mental arguments creates havoc. Let go of all the tension, let go of every feeling which holds you back. Start it now, how much are you going to hold up inside your heart and mind? It will ache badly and the worst part is nobody will ever notice it and understand the amount of pain you are carrying inside you while you smile from outside. It will only lead to a lot of mental distress, which will affect your daily routine and your physical health.
3. Learn to define boundaries
Setting boundaries is very important if you are living in the same household. Without setting proper boundaries from day one, you are voluntarily giving unlimited access to anybody sharing the household.
Boundaries help in keeping a healthy distance from one another. Without having them, you will not only have your own peace ruined but will also not respect the peace of mind of any members living with you.
4. Give up on changing her
I insist that you leave all the hopes of changing her; you cannot change her. Understand if a person is a narcissist then it is a part of his personality that can hardly be altered. The more we will urge on changing that person, the more he will become defensive and things will go haywire. Stop making efforts to change them rather start taking efforts to maintain distance and stay positive to create a balance.
5. Stop taking things personally
How toxic mothers in law destroy families? By aiming to demean us and make us feel inferior. The more you accept them not appreciating you, the more it becomes easy for you to survive, yes I know it doesn’t sound nice listening to such things about yourself but the soon we mend things inside us the more it becomes easy to overlook what causes heartache and look into another direction.
In the end, I would say that no matter how harsh these truths may sound now but we all know this and worry ourselves to an extent that it starts affecting us. Remember, you are allowed to cry; you are allowed to complain, but do not fall for it. You need to continuously work on yourself while dealing with external factors. Take charge of your life. Let no domination and overpowering behavior of others rule your life.
I hope you find these tips useful. Stay healthy mentally and physically.
Lots of love and gratitude
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.