Does your husband’s family give you anxiety? How to regain your balance and remain stress-free around your in laws? Should we try to make them understand or work internally on our anxiety?
What do you think? If you tell your in laws about how you feel and how their behavior towards you acts as a trigger for you, will they believe you? Hardly a possibility.
How can we make it work? How about choosing a way towards within, can we work internally? In this blog, lets us discuss how we can work inside so that nothing can ruin us from outside.
Does your husband’s family give you anxiety?
Anxiety could be generalized or chronic, depending upon the level of your anxiety you need to decide on coping mechanisms for yourselves. If it is generalized then maybe it won’t last for too long, it just gets triggered during certain circumstances but if your anxiety is chronic it needs immediate attention, as it affects you physically in the long run.
It is said that 1 in 13 people worldwide suffer from anxiety and it is the most common form of any mental disorder. Symptoms are such that people usually confuse it with being lethargic or unwell physically. Like nausea, fatigue, excessive worrying, tiredness, etc.
This blog is in continuation with my last blog, wherein I talked about how your mother in law could give you anxiety. In this blog, I will try to answer the question, does your husband’s family give you anxiety and how could we deal with it?
Ten useful ways to control your anxiety and regain your balance
Dealing with anxiety and then dealing with your in laws, go hand in hand in increasing troubles for you. For some it is just a day or two of such a difficult phase, for some, it is like a daily fight they fight within themselves, mental arguments and overthinking they go through daily. It only makes one’s life complicated and affects that person hurtfully.
We can at least try to work on our inner-self and regain our balance and composure, not to fight daily but to repair what’s broken and maintain our inner peace. How to control your anxiety around in laws? Try these ten useful and basic practices:
|1. Know your triggers|
|2. Set boundaries|
|3. Don’t take things personally|
|4. Keep yourself busy|
|5.Exercise and Meditate|
|6. Focus on the good|
|7. Join self-help groups|
|8. Meet old friends|
|9. Talk to someone|
|10. See a counselor|
1. Know your triggers
No one knows this better than you, am I right? I know my triggers, when my mother in law used to compare me with other daughters in law and how much dowry they have bought along with themselves, it used to trigger anxiety withing me, it went to such a level that I feared sitting with her for more than five minutes thinking that she will start over again. It gave me stress and unwarranted anxiousness.
It was only after a few years I could have the courage to tell her politely and with a smile, look, mom, I am your daughter in law now, at least for this life and this cannot be changed, so let’s just not repeat same old complaints and start fresh, she was not expecting it, neither was I, but slowly and gradually it worked.
2. Set boundaries
Does your husband’s family give you anxiety? Set boundaries with them. This is a little hard after a few years of your marriage but if you understand that maintaining a distance and healthy boundary with your in laws is the best way to leave a scope of a better relationship with your in laws in the future. How to control anxiety around in laws who ignore you and are irresponsible towards you?
Somehow this what frustrates you even more, so it’s better to step back and stay low in front of them. We have always been taught to stand for what is right, but we need to figure out what is exactly right for us in a given situation, our sanity or arguments over things that are beyond repair.
3. Don’t take things personally
Not everything your in laws say or do is aimed at you, please take a note of it. Maybe it is their habit or their basic nature to criticize and crib over things and just because you share a bitter relationship with them you take every comment and remark on you as an indirect attempt to hurt you. It could be your biased sister in law who never favors you even being the same as your age but can you help it?
Even if it is true and they are hurting you, you are not going to allow any of their negative remarks to enter your mind. You are not going to take anything personally and let it affect you and ruin your mental peace. Trust me it will only elevate your anxiety levels and you will feel distressed.
4. Keep yourself busy
Does your husband’s family give you anxiety? Keep yourself busy. This works really well, it worked for me and many around me. I have seen people indulging in doing something they love to do or are passionate about. It keeps you busy and occupied leaving no space for conducting any devil’s workshop for free. Especially when you are staying in a joint family with your in laws.
If you are working then it is actually good for you as you spent most of the time outside your house and a little time spent with your in laws should not bother you if you follow anyone coping mechanism out of these, if you are a homemaker, you can turn into a home baker, You can take tuitions, you can write, you can paint, do something which you enjoyed doing before marriage and if someone stops you then just ask them to mind their own business when you are not hurting anyone you should follow your passion.
5. Exercise and Meditate
The most underrated coping mechanism. Yes, because of two reasons: First it is available for free and is available in abundance. Do you know what power meditation and yoga holds? How much it can change you from the inside? You won’t, unless and until you make it a part of your daily regime.
We only shift our focus to exercise when we want to lose weight and meditate when we are overstressed. But trust me all of this will not give you any proper result till the day you make it your habit. It is very addictive once you follow it daily and it certainly helps you rejuvenate and connect to your inner self. Simply start your day feeling refreshed and comforted by eating right and staying fit.
6. Focus on the good
Layer by layer, unfold the goodness you have within you and let nothing dim the light which is shining brighter deep inside you. Through that light, you will be able to see all the good happening around you and you will be able to shift your focus from the anxiety and stressful situations you face in your life.
The goodness could be in the form of your child’s unconditional love, it could be in your husband’s support and your ability to do something in your life, in your career. It is human’s natural tendency that we are bogged with the pressure we forget to see the little happiness around us which adds to our stress and gives us a feeling that nothing good happens with us. We need to snap out of it buys focusing on the good.
7. Join self-help groups
It helps when we meet like-minded people or the ones who are sailing in the same boat. I personally believe in human touch or you can call it a personal touch. No matter how digitized the world has become, when you see and feel things for real it adds beauty and meaning to the subject.
Does your husband’s family give you anxiety? Change the direction and look for other positive people around you. There are plenty of such support groups, they organize regular meetings, wherein you have listened to non-judgementally, and listening to others helps you to introspect your situation on a broader level, you understand the underlying issue and feel like working on them. Do this for yourself.
8. Meet old friends
Sometimes doing the simplest things help you connect from yourself. It is always good to go back to basics to find your lost or missing piece. What could be the best way to do it than traveling back to your old friends and memories. Take a break from the daily hustle and bustle of your life and allow yourself to breathe.
Plan an outing, meet your friends, spend some quality time with your old friends, you will definitely feel rejuvenated. Call them for lunch or dinner. Stay in touch with the ones who care for you.
9. Talk to someone
We always have that one go-to friend, isn’t it? God forbid if you don’t have one, not a big deal just make a new friend, spend some time going for a walk or buying groceries, you will like to talk and it will certainly divert your mind. I know in such a situation you won’t feel like talking to anyone and rather prefer to stay at home alone but no don’t do this to yourself.
One or two days are fine to take some time but please come out on the third day, gaze at the sky and breathe in and out positively, you are still in life and we are going to make each breath of yours worth it, but only if you decide to take this plunge.
10. See a counselor
This is always a last resort when nothing seems to work for you and your anxiety starts getting severe on such a level that it is breaking you from inside, no one is understanding your pain and your problem, even when you are trying your best to make them understand. It has started affecting your work, your personality, and your behavior.
In such a case, it is always advisable to see a counselor or a psychotherapist, who will listen to you and understand your problem, and probably provide you with the most suitable treatment. Do not be afraid to visit a counselor, it is nothing to do with your status in society, you have to take care of your mental health, just like you do for your physical health, you visit a general physician when something is not right, then why not a counselor?
Why do in laws act indifferently?
As per research, it is a proven fact that the biggest complaint of a daughter in law is that their in-laws are disrespectful and controlling and mothers-in-law are perceived as the main culprits in almost every case. Now when we have learned about what could be the possible reasons for your anxiety, while we have been pondering over the question, does your husband’s family give you anxiety? Let us try to brain-storm why do in laws act so indifferently.
It is true that mothers in law do cause problems with their hateful behavior but we can also try to find a few reasons behind their stubbornness and figure out whose anxiety are we actually dealing with.
|1. Growing age
Growing age, losing a spouse, loneliness, and helplessness to do things make on irritable, and when they see their son and daughter in law busy in their life, working, roaming around they feel insecure and left out, which results in outrage.
This applies to both the father in law and mother in law, with age, many husband-wife lose the spark in their relationship and forget to complement each other’s presence in their life. All they do is go after their daughter in law and how she is not being a perfect one.
|3. No support from the husband?
Here the mother in law might be in trouble due to his own husband and your father in law and in turn, she takes out all the frustration on you. There are many things which we are not aware of, be alert of your surroundings.
Yes, it is that time of her age when she goes under hormonal changes, feels weak as her body goes under biological changes which makes her irritable and short-temper.
|5. Fear of losing authority?
Just imagine a chauvinistic father in law or a narcissistic mother in law, how can they stay quiet and let you do things when they have been like this all their lives, even with their own children.
So, now if I ask you, does your husband’s family give you anxiety? What will be your answer? Shed the burden of what people will say and take charge of your life. In the end, it will be only you and yourself. Your in laws might mellow down after a while, your husband might support you, your children will grow and get busy in their lives, then how will you manage with such a mental condition. Such a disturbed state? Take a step towards yourself now and stay sane.
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.