In this blog, I am going to share a few things you should never say to someone going through a separation. Separation/divorce or break-up, any event of such type in an individual’s life creates a lot of emotional damage. No one is prepared to face it, no one thought this would happen, but now if it has happened, all one could do is pray for the strength to deal with it.
The healing from the pain and trauma due to the separation itself is huge to describe and to top that, people around us sometimes make it way too difficult to tackle the situation.
The one who is going through a separation or divorce trial is already facing a lot of mental distress, thoughts like future uncertainty, financial dependence, child’s upbringing, in some cases child’s custody, lengthy procedures take away a lot of mental energy and leaves the person out of place.
Amid all this, our relatives, friends, and acquaintance make it more difficult by saying mean things they should never say to someone who is going through a separation.
5 Things You Should Never Say to Someone Going Through A Separation
When two adults decide to part their ways, it is surely a well-thought decision and no one else than you can decide this for yourself. It is you, who has experienced things that lead to such a point in your life. But, what are these things, I am talking out? What are the things you should never say to someone going through a separation, below is my 5 cent of advice to anyone out there who is reading this post:
1.) It was your fault
Now there is no point discussing whose fault it was? The glass is broken into pieces and even if you try to gather all the pieces and try to fix it, you will not be able to bring back its strength and vigour.
2.) You should have stayed a little more
They might have stayed more than they could have tolerated.
3.) Whatever happened, happened for the good
At the point wherein someone is going through the process of separation, they see no good, as everything is so uncertain and vivid. It is only after the things get mellow down, that they gain some clarity and move ahead.
4.) Move on, find someone
One of the silliest things you should never say to someone going through a separation. Join Tinder! Swipe left when things don’t seem to be right. Meet new people, make new friends? No, it doesn’t just happen, everything takes time. Unless and until you are healed from the past completely, you cannot move on.
5.) What were you even thinking when you married him/her?
At the time of marriage or getting along with a partner we only see the love and our beautiful future ahead of him/her. The reality hits only after getting married, under different circumstances, so no no one sees it coming.
What to say to someone going through a separation?
Now, before you wonder, what should when say to someone going through a separation, I will share a few things that can help you to break the ice and be comfortable with the situation. Try saying this:
1.) I can understand, how difficult it must be for you.
2.) Take your time and don’t rush on to things.
3.) Whatever you are feeling is valid and you don’t have to explain.
4.) You will be fine, allow yourself to heal.
5.) Shall we see a counsellor, if it helps you?
To conclude, I would say if we are mindful of the things you should never say to someone going through a separation, we might be able to give them a better and safe space to vent, a space that is non-judgmental and unbiased.
Love and light
Priyanka Joshi is the founder of Sanity Daily. Host of ‘Mental Health First” Podcast. A digital nomad, published author and an NLP practitioner, helping you prioritize your mental health.