In this blog, I am going to share a few things you should never say to someone going through a separation. Separation/divorce or break-up, any event of such type in an individual’s life creates a lot of emotional damage. No one is prepared to face it, no one thought this would happen, but now if it has happened, all one could do is pray for the strength to deal with it.
The healing from the pain and trauma due to the separation itself is huge to describe and to top that, people around us sometimes make it way too difficult to tackle the situation.
The one who is going through a separation or divorce trial is already facing a lot of mental distress, thoughts like future uncertainty, financial dependence, child’s upbringing, in some cases child’s custody, lengthy procedures take away a lot of mental energy and leaves the person out of place.
Amid all this, our relatives, friends, and acquaintance make it more difficult by saying mean things they should never say to someone who is going through a separation.
5 Things You Should Never Say to Someone Going Through A Separation
When two adults decide to part their ways, it is surely a well-thought decision and no one else than you can decide this for yourself. It is you, who has experienced things that lead to such a point in your life. But, what are these things, I am talking out? What are the things you should never say to someone going through a separation, below is my 5 cent of advice to anyone out there who is reading this post:
1.) It was your fault
Now there is no point discussing whose fault it was? The glass is broken into pieces and even if you try to gather all the pieces and try to fix it, you will not be able to bring back its strength and vigour.
2.) You should have stayed a little more
They might have stayed more than they could have tolerated.
3.) Whatever happened, happened for the good
At the point wherein someone is going through the process of separation, they see no good, as everything is so uncertain and vivid. It is only after the things get mellow down, that they gain some clarity and move ahead.
4.) Move on, find someone
One of the silliest things you should never say to someone going through a separation. Join Tinder! Swipe left when things don’t seem to be right. Meet new people, make new friends? No, it doesn’t just happen, everything takes time. Unless and until you are healed from the past completely, you cannot move on.
5.) What were you even thinking when you married him/her?
At the time of marriage or getting along with a partner we only see the love and our beautiful future ahead of him/her. The reality hits only after getting married, under different circumstances, so no no one sees it coming.
What to say to someone going through a separation?
Now, before you wonder, what should when say to someone going through a separation, I will share a few things that can help you to break the ice and be comfortable with the situation. Try saying this:
1.) I can understand, how difficult it must be for you.
2.) Take your time and don’t rush on to things.
3.) Whatever you are feeling is valid and you don’t have to explain.
4.) You will be fine, allow yourself to heal.
5.) Shall we see a counsellor, if it helps you?
To conclude, I would say if we are mindful of the things you should never say to someone going through a separation, we might be able to give them a better and safe space to vent, a space that is non-judgmental and unbiased.
Love and light
Priyanka Joshi is the founder of Sanity Daily. Host of ‘Mental Health First” Podcast. A digital nomad, published author and an NLP practitioner, helping you prioritize your mental health.
This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.
53 thoughts on “Here Are A Few Things You Should Never Say to Someone Going Through A Separation”
This is India, however can people survive by minding their own business and giving their vishesh tippani? You’ve mentioned all the judgements people pass when they hear of a couple breaking up. I am glad you added what people can say to help someone going through it too.
Thanks a lot for reading 🙂
So true all these comments add to their trauma .but someone saying I can understand what you are going through also doesn’t work as no one can ever understand what the person is actually going through.
Ya, I agree!
Such a great pointers to say someone when they are into relationship troubles. Move on or happen for good are such words which no one wants to hear at that point. I guess, I am with you no matter what is the best thing we can say.
Exactly, sometimes we don’t know what to say and that’s ok..just being there also helps…thanks for reading😊
Thanks a lot, Pamela💜
Relationships can be complex at times and nobody has any right to pass judgement if they don’t know what storms a couple is going through at the time of separation. It’s already painful they don’t need advice so better to keep quiet.
True. Thanks for reading!
Thats again another wonderful post Priyanka. What I really liked is the tips as to what we can say to the people who are going through seperation. My bestie who is just going through this process always says these things only. Why people cant mention those points
I am glad you find it useful. Thanks a lot
You couldn’t have put it down better, Priyanka. In India it is every one’s business. I just know that it doesn’t matter what anyone says. They will talk even if you are happy. Kuch to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna. Hugs and I feel you to the core. My husband died and I was accused of killing him!! Its been 17 years and I still have people giving me advise.
I can’t imagine how you handle this….more power to you❣
Hey Priyanka! Dear I could relate every bit of your post. Not only for this situation, but for every misfortune or failures a woman faces in her life, society and close people keep telling it’s your fault, just move on in life etc. But we only know, how tough is moving on from the past. I really liked how you highlighted the important pointers here. Lots of love and hugs to you. More power.
Thanks a lot my dear❤
Well put together. Sometimes we become insensitive to others and say things that may actually not give them solace. Add to this some people have this morbid curiosity to know what happened – which not every one may feel comfortable discussing. I feel that if we truly care, we should just let the other person know we are supportive of their decision whatever it may be and they can count on you to have their back.
Exactly, it is like revisiting the pain again and again…
Yes, seperation creates the emotional damage that only the person can understand who have gone through. I can still remember those days when I decided to come out of my marriage. The 5 points you’ve mentioned here are on point. Great post dear. Really appreciate your effort.
Thanks, I am glad you found it useful
Completely agree with you going through a seperation or divorce is already such an uncertain turn in anyone’s life they need the support and not false sympathy or taunts.
Thanks a lot
Its so hard for people to keep their opinions to themselves, “Move on find someone” is probably the last thought on their mind, must be the most annoying one . 3 and 4 are such lovely suggestions
I have also written a post on Divorce which you may like https://opinionsetall.wordpress.com/2021/02/24/divorce-a-complete-stigma/
Thanks, Raunica! I will check this out for sure
Ya, I have read this 🙂
I think the so called society always has an opinion to give even if they do not know whether they are right or wrong. It is tough for a person going through separation and giving unwanted advices can be hard on them.
True. Thanks for reading
Separation whether from the partner, friends or the closest person …. The point is that separation hurts a lot…. And it’s a hard time for the person who is getting seperated from the loved ones….. In this situation nobody should tont them or tease them….. They should support them mentally and emotionally….. Your words reminded me of my friend’s breakup who was madly in love with his girlfriend…
Well said, it is too painful and affects you physically and emotionally….
Very well thought out blog!! The sanest idea would be to offer help getting in touch with a counsellor…the craziest is to advice joing tinder 😨
I swear…thanks a lot for reading🧡
I agree with you, Priyanka. There are many instances in life when people offer to ‘help’ with their not-so-needed advice. It’s better to consult someone before giving that unnecessary guidance that hurts the feelings of the person already suffering.
True, thanks for reading!
Agree with all the points. As it is the person who is going through a separation is under so much mental stress and on top of it people do not stop passing their judgements
Thanks for reading!
Oh man! This is so.close to my heart!! Yes, most people say things just for the sake of it! Wether they mean it or not. But for someone who is going through it, feels the pain ultimately!
We live in a world where people love poking noses in other’s businesses. In India particularly. This is a lovely post and important for those who want to reach out but don’t know know how to use the right words.
Thank you, Aunty!
In india separation is not easy we have to go through a lot. This list is really helpful for many.
From the heart, Priyanka. A continuation of your Insta reel. I hope this drills some sense into people. In their need to say something, people end up being insensitive. And then there are those who have to comment on anything under the sun. The “told you so”s. The world would be such a better a place if people just minded their own business.
Seriously, “I told you so” is another bug. Thanks, Ritu.
Priyanka, each words matter and if the right words are said then the situation becomes little easy for person going through all this. My friend was going through this phase and at that time I did not have right words I just used to say her, I am here to listen to you. I actually do not ask her anything related to this phase, we talk in general and rest of the things in the world as I know I cannot do anything but just let her know that I am standing with her.
Your post will really be an eye opener to many as they always poke their noses at wrong places.
Thanks for sharing your experience..words fail sometimes.
In Our country people do not understand boundaries . When & what & how much to say ! On such sensitive moments & testing times when one needs to be so careful with words ; we rather say such things that deter another’s resolve & self belief. But loved your compilation of what are the right things to say.
Thanks for reading!
In India its impossible to expect something like this. Relatives and some people make it even worse. Great points shared Priyanka.
Well said Priyanka! I don’t understand why people find it easier to preach someone over the heal someone. How could they understand the pain of someone without being into his/her shoes, I know to go through the same pain is not the necessary condition to understand others but yes listening the victim without judging is certainly. And the world is lacking abundantly when it comes to non-judgemental listeners.
True, Archu. Thanks for reading
Thats like looking in the mirror…. most of us say stuff not realizing how it might impact the other person.
Whatever happened, happened for the good – This one is so relatable where I might have said “Worst is over “….
But thanks for writing this one
Thanks for reading
Very well articulated post. People need to learn to mind their own business and not give unnecessary advice