Staying with a toxic partner during the lockdown and not losing your mind, is it possible? But what else we can do to save ourselves some sanity amid this forced isolation and lockdown?
Did you know that many women out there are stuck with an abusive partner who beats them? Did you know many men are stuck with a dominant woman who demeans them often? Sometimes when we are dealing with a lot in our personal life the bigger things happening outside doesn’t scare us. We are so clouded with our own pensive thoughts and problems that every other problem looks manageable.
How to deal with a toxic partner when you are locked down with them and cannot even stand them for a minute. How can we maintain our inner balance and protect ourselves?
Staying With A Toxic Partner During The Lockdown
The strain which this global pandemic Covid-19 is putting in our lives is overwhelming and too much to take. Besides the tension, fear, and other issues we are dealing with at this moment because of the coronavirus, just imagine if you end up with someone who ruins your peace of mind during the lockdown. Staying with a toxic partner during the lockdown is the biggest nightmare for many people. A toxic partner is that narcissist, chauvinistic, or demeaning person in your life who kills the beauty of your day with their rudeness.
In your daily life at least you have a getaway and when things go out of hand, you move, go out, take a breather and try to balance things but amid this lockdown, it has become unbearable for many around us. The ones who are facing it all would be struggling a lot in their relationship now. We even have to rely on our partner for a few things as we can’t seek help from others during this time, but what if they don’t help? Many of us are working from home, managing joint families, children alone and it is no wonder a lot of change for all of us.
Five signs your partner is toxic
Being aware of the situation brings out acceptance and ways to deal with it. The biggest shortcomings of lockdown are one got stuck where he/she was no matter with whom he/she was. Creepy? Yes. Staying with a toxic partner during the lockdown cannot be an easy road to travel but knowing the signs and then finding the ways might help you as the situation varies from person to person and their toxicity level.
|1.) You feel drained all the time
With all the efforts you put in your relationships to save it you are left powerless and drained. You don’t feel good about anything and just drag yourself to another day.
|2.) You face abuse
It could be physical or mental abuse which you deal with almost every day and no one takes note of it. It impacts you internally yet you get up and try to move, do things, fulfill your duties with n compassion in return.
|3.) No love and attention
An abusive relation or a toxic relationship results in a lovelorn life. Nothing sparks joy in you and all you do is crave more for the love and attention and more you hurt yourselves in the process.
If you are stuck with a controlling freak during the lockdown you cannot even run away anywhere. They control you and try to feel liberated by abusing you with their verbal narcissism. They are toxic.
|5.) Not expected to expect
You are just expected to complete all your daily chores and be available for every need without complaining or without expecting anything in return.
12 ways to help yourself while staying with a toxic partner during the lockdown
How do we maintain the balance while staying with a toxic partner during the lockdown and try to acknowledge that yes there is a problem which needs to be fixed and give our best shot? I am not a therapist but the ways and ideas I share here are derived from few personal experiences of people around me who are known to everybody but sometimes we all just need a reminder to regain our strength and get a hold of our lost space. Since there is nowhere to go during the lockdown try seeking a hide within self and practice control and gratefulness. Here are 15 ways you can try fixing things for yourself and your partner to ease your daily life.
|1.) Accept there is a problem
|2.) Do not pick up a fight
|3.) Avoid getting into arguments
|4.) Keep yourself busy
|5.) Do not expect any help
|6.) Try to discuss
|7.) Maintain 3 ft distance
|8.) Keep things handy
|9.) Have an emergency setup
|10.) Talk to your parents or friends
|11.) Maintain a daily journal to vent out
|12.) Call helpline
1.) Accept there is a problem
The first step is to accept that there is a problem that is not in your control. All you can do is control your actions and your thoughts. If you are staying with a toxic partner during the lockdown you have to accept that things won’t be easy and accepting this will help you to take each step carefully to get over this time without losing your mind.
2.) Do not pick up a fight
I agree the level of toxicity differs from person to person but honestly, during this lockdown period there is nothing we can do, so do not pick up the fight, blame, or get annoyed with your partner because this will only make things worse for you. You will feel suffocated and your anxiety levels will increase.
3.) Avoid getting into arguments
Just avoid ending up in an argumentative situation with your partner, this is no time to prove right or wrong and win big battles. This is the time to maintain your composure and let each day pass. Wait for the storm to pass.
4.) Keep yourself busy
The best getaway for all your problems is YOU. If we are going to sit ideal and focus on what our partner is doing, ho he is behaving then our life would be only stressful. Keep yourself busy in things you enjoy doing, invest a little time in yourself and take this as an opportunity to learn new things, drag yourself, and do this, please.
5.) Do not expect any help
I can very well understand that due to the present scenario expecting a little help from your partner is perfectly normal but when your relationship with your partner has not been normal but stressful, please do not expect anything from them it will not help rather create more problems. The burden of work is better than the burden of toxic stress.
6.) Try to discuss
You know things are getting out of your hands, tell them that you want to talk and find a solution for the peace of mind of both of you. Ask them what they want, if there is any genuine problem they must open up or if you are locked down with a saddest who derives pleasure in hurting others then it is advisable to not touch the weak chords.
7.) Maintain 3 ft distance
The social distance we are supposed to follow outside is what you need to adopt in your house too. One of my friends stays in the balcony most of the time to avoid confrontations.
8.) Keep things handy
Keep your things handy, any medicine, phone charger, laptop or anything which belongs to you keep them all together so that when things get worse you can at least have your kinds of stuff with yourself in your room to help you survive your isolation.
9.) Have an emergency setup
I am sure no matter how much we try to hide our personal life from others but there is always someone who knows about it and whom we can confide with so please stay in touch with that persona and keep him/her updated about your daily scenario.
10.) Talk to your parents or friends
Stay in touch with your parents and your friends. Keep a personal check on them, make video calls, and also tell them how things are with you. It will help them to understand that how you are and there might be some cases where the partner could be so abusive that he/she will restrict your contact with the outside world so please have an emergency setup for you.
11.) Maintain a daily journal to vent out
A daily journal or a personal diary, you can call it anything. Write things which bothered you, troubled you the whole day, and get it off your head. Punch the pillows on your bed if you feel anxious while venting out, just release all your stress and anxiousness.
12.) Call helpline
The abuser sees this as an opportunity to use it for their advantage. The National Domestic Abuse helpline has seen a 25% increase in calls and online requests for help since the lockdown. Do not be afraid to reach out.
In the end, I would say that these are tough times and beyond difficult to manage for many people out there. Staying with a toxic partner during the lockdown is worst and no one can even imagine how a person stuck with such a toxic person is dealing with life. this post is just a little reminder from my side to please take care of yourself if you are among the ones, stay strong from inside and take care of yourself, please. Hold on for a little longer and we will get through this soon and after that, we will know what to do next with such a terrible person.
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.