How do I stop being anxious in a relationship? Has this thought ever crossed your mind? Just in your mundane life where you see no new hope, do you ever think about how you can turn inward to bring positivity outward?
In this blog, let us try to understand all the aspects of relationships and what triggers our anxiousness, and how we can work upon them. Let us together brainstorm!
How do I stop being anxious in a relationship?
Relationship anxiety is normal and many people go through it. The real problem begins when it starts affecting your relationship with your partner and causes damage to your bond. You think a lot, you plan a lot, you assume a lot many things, expect a lot and then you constantly juggle between your partner and your anxiety issues which makes you more vulnerable, and for your partner you might sound more demanding and attention-seeking, which is not the truth.
Sometimes things go way beyond your control and you end up ruining your mental peace over things that are not in your control. In this blog, let us identify a few signs in a relationship that made one anxious and elevates their anxiety levels.
We all have been there and we all have made a mess out of a certain situation, some came out stronger and some just gave up, that’s what made all the difference in our lives.
Five signs you are anxious in your relationship
Do you become happy and calm when your partner assures you that he/she is there with you? Are you someone who needs constant attention from your partner, but you are not an attention-seeker? Do you feel insecure in their absence?
It could be through the perils of the past or any childhood experience that you fear and doubt everything. There is very little probability that your partner would understand your situation and act accordingly all the time and be compassionate towards you. There would be certainly a few days when they will not be around you and you will find yourself in the darkness. Now before you accept this as a permanent situation in your life, let me tell you this could be changed but only with your involvement and willingness. First of all, let us discuss some signs which lead to your anxiety in the relationship then we will figure out how do I stop being anxious in a relationship?
|1.) You feel insecure
|2.) You are too attached
|3.) You seek validation
|4.) You believe in forever
|5.) You expect a lot
1.) You feel insecure
A relationship could be your life, your everything, and your happy chords depend upon it but I always wonder, that how do we give the remote control of our life in someone else’s hand and become so dependent on them that we feel insecure in any little change around us. For instance, a wife feels insecure if the husband is in touch with her problematic in-laws, a girlfriend/boyfriend feels insecure if they talk to someone else.
How do I stop being anxious in a relationship? By not feeling insecure. Insecurity is one of the biggest reason for being anxious in any relationship, I know you would say that you cannot help it and it just comes to you or your partner does few things which makes you insecure, but honestly somewhere deep inside you know the answers, you know the truth but you reject your inner-voice and don’t want to believe it.
2.) You are too attached
We add meaning to everything in our life. Every relationship has a place and holds a significant stature in our life. We become so attached to that one person in our life that we forget to imagine our life without them. We attach everything to them, our happiness, our sadness, our success, our failures and we somehow cease to exist of our own.
How do I stop being anxious in a relationship? By detaching. Yes, you read it right. Attachment is important but on a cellular level, you need to keep yourself detached from everything to a boundary line so that if the time comes and you have to choose your sanity over the critical matters it will not be difficult for you to move on ahead with your life.
3.) You seek validation
It’s a human tendency to seek approval and look out for validation in everything they do. Most of us are victims of self-doubt and lack of self-belief. Things become more challenging when we are in a relationship and if we are one of those who fall in the group of people-pleasers, seeking validation is becomes our necessity. You need continuous validation for everything you do, how you feel and what you want to do.
Your partner might not approve of many things and that makes you anxious. You are dependent on others for the things you believe in and let others validate your opinions and views. How to stop being anxious in a relationship? By stop being a people pleaser and validation seeker. Hold yourself and own yourself.
4.) You believe in forever
Over the period of 33 years of my life, the initial 30 years I believed in the idea of forever and permanence. With time I realized that change is the only constant thing, which is permanent and the truth of our life. I feel nothing lasts forever. Not a single thing. It may worsen or bloom but might not stay in its same form throughout life.
We don’t see change coming positively in our life, we get anxious, agitated with geographical changes, changes in the family, changes at work. The idea of forever lies in our subconscious mind and we want things the same way, we retaliate when things start drifting away from their place and start panicking.
5.) You expect a lot
When someone said, expectations hurt, he was right. Yes, it does hurt. Expecting something from your loved ones or dear ones is not at all wrong or abnormal, but it is the ability of people to react to your expectations, they feel bound. They feel trapped in the burden of expectations and make you feel wrong. They make you realize that you expect a lot, you are demanding which results in a series of anxiousness and anxiety issues within you. You become compelled to get irritated and frustrated.
It happens we assign a lot of meaning to one person in life and we do not get treated the same way. But here one more thing should be noted that just because a person doesn’t treat us the way we want, it should not mean that they don’t love or care about you, it’s their way of treating people and loving them. Every person is different and has a different approach to handling relationships.
Five tips to help minimize your anxiousness in a relationship and save your sanity
The tips, I am listing here are general practices followed as a coping mechanism. Based on personal experience and studies. It is always advisable, to begin with, self-care and that is what I am going to stress on. I read this book, The Magic by Rhonda Byrne a while ago and I have read it twice, it amazes me how the human mind can be re-wired by simply following few practices and then making it our daily habit.
Take time for yourself, give yourself some time. When you know there is something wrong and instead of worrying about it take time to give it a moment. Accept your feelings and that is how you take responsibility for your feelings. How do I stop being anxious in a relationship and take care of myself when people make a big deal about it? Understand it is absolutely normal and this could happen to anyone, so let’s not harm our relationships because of something which can be cured.
|1. Please communicate
|2. Go on maintenance mode
|3. It’s ok to not to be ok
|4. Take time for exercise
|5. Focus on good things
1. Please communicate
Don’t worry about who will understand and who will not, you just start talking about your feelings and your mental state, at least it will help your family members to understand the reason behind your irritability and discomfort. Do not give up if they do not entertain this whole story of mental distress you are facing, and it really is tough for others to understand such feelings, give them time to accommodate with your state.
It is very important to talk about Mental Health, as people are not even aware of such a thing and the majority of the population choose to remain ignorant towards it until it hits them personally. Educate your family members about it by sharing informative articles and videos with them. Maybe they will not get it at once but the more you will talk about it the more it will register in their minds.
2. Go on maintenance mode
If you feel you need some time to gather yourself and figure out things, it is ok to take a break and go on a maintenance mode. To operate from outside you need to nurture your inner self and when you realize this you should never waste any time in troubling yourself and self-loathing over issues beyond your control. Rather take charge and get to work with yourself. Your inner self needs you equally the most like others need you, so please take care.
3. It’s ok to not to be ok
Believe this, why do you feel that you have to be ok and suppress your emotional balance, it will only go worse. Seek help if you feel you are not able to control thoughts but do not take it as a threat in the first place. How do I stop being anxious in a relationship? By owning how you feel and working on it. It is ok to cry, it is ok if you are having burnout and it applies to both men and women, It is absolutely ok to be human and feel such emotions we are born with.
4. Take time for exercise
A most essential part of your recovery. If you really want to change your present condition and make a difference in your life and your relationships. Start with you. Start exercising, meditating, swim, take a walk and just make sure you are engaged in some physical activities for at least 30 minutes daily. Physical activities have got a lot of psychological benefits.
Avoid any drink which contains caffeine as it is believed to worsen your anxiety. Eat a well-balanced diet. Stick to three meals at least and avoid junk and fatty foods. Undergo a deep repair, your body is what you eat, what you think, and what you feed it with. Make it a good one.
5. Focus on good things
There is always something to be grateful for, it could be your evolved mother-in-law, a loving husband, parents, your child, your job, something must be there in your life too. Which holds deep meaning and support. Stick to it and focus on all the good you have, you will gain strength from your support system which will help you bring back the faith within you.
How can you support your partner with anxiety issues?
How do I stop being anxious in a relationship and how does anxiety affect family and relationships? It affects when we see things but we choose to stay ignorant. Family members/spouses/friends have a major part to play here. Instead of criticizing the person speak to him. Try to understand what’s bothering him. Research says that the positive support of the family members helps the one who is facing such a difficult trail of emotions.
- Speak and be there when you see some unusual or change in behavior.
- Be there when you see the person shutting himself down and going into isolation.
- Check on your friends who have lost contact and suddenly disappeared from everywhere.
- Be kind to people around you as you don’t know what fight he or she is fighting inside.
- Be available if someone shows a sign of concern and wants to talk
- Take out time for your family members
Just by being aware of our surroundings and keeping a close watch on our near and dear ones we can certainly prevent tragedies. It is observed that when no one understands the person goes into hiding and never opens up about his feelings which only worsens a general or temporary mental illness. We can save lives by being available and being aware. Be there. Be aware, take care, and spread sanity.
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.