Mother in law dealing guide, who needs it? I think the majority of us get all jittery hearing our mother in law’s name. This one is powerful enough to make us nervous and anxious at the same time. Although few very lucky ones are spared.
A mother in law is someone who almost of our mother’s age, our husband’s mother and we usually expect a warm and loving relationship with her. Even though all the mother in laws criticizes daughter in laws for not being obedient and well-cultured, there is a huge cry for help if we look at the ground level.
In this blog, I will introduce you to a few types of mother in laws and a few handy ways to deal with her in order to save yourself some sanity.
Mother in law dealing guide
For any household, the relationship between a daughter in law and a mother in law is important. This is obviously in addition to the husband and wife relationship. Some individuals hit the jackpot while others don’t. The good news is that you too can stay aware of your mother in law. This will help you understand her and hence you can bridge all gaps in the relationship.
As a daughter in laws, we tend to notice a lot of changes in people around us when we enter a new family after getting married. But if we don’t understand the changes – in behavior or otherwise, it tends to drive us insane. Therefore, it is important to understand the meaning of all new changes and traits exhibited by mum in laws. Nasty, arrogant, needy, compassionate, evolved, greedy, or simply insecure, getting to know her will only help us to adopt a way to deal with her.
Types of mother in laws
Before we head on to ways of dealing and form this mother in law dealing guide, let us learn about the different types of mother in laws, an understanding which will help us maintain a subtle approach while dealing with her. Sharing a few of the most common types of mother in law around the globe.
|1.) The greedy mother in law|
|2.) The controlling mother in law|
|3.) The needy mother in law|
|4.) The arrogant mother in law|
|5.) The evolved mother in law|
1.) The greedy mother in law
A greedy mother in law is somebody who will consider her right to take dowry, gifts, and other materialistic assets from the bride’s side as her right. She is obviously someone whose own parents and husband didn’t care for her needs. Hence, she will take her deep-seated issues on the bride’s side. Having a greedy mother in law is a terrible thing and you must stand against any vicious demands. A greedy mother in law is the worst kind of all types of mother in laws.
2.) The controlling mother in law
A controlling mother in law will act like a boss all the time. However, you will not receive any salary because she obviously thinks of you as unpaid labor. Being in control of everybody’s life is a terrible habit and hence a controlling mother in law can cause a lot of negativity in the house. As a member of the family, make an effort to help her evolve. Discuss with your husband and ask your husband to intervene as well because if your father in law is controlling too, your life would be a living hell.
3.) The needy mother in law
A needy mother in law is surely an insecure person inside. Hence, she constantly wants to seek emotional support from her husband and you. More with your husband actually i.e. her son. She doesn’t have respect for boundaries and will consider it a norm to be needy with emotions and create a lot of unwarranted problems. She will not understand that needs are for everyone. Having a needy mother in law is irksome.
4.) The arrogant mother in law
An arrogant mother in law will be full of herself. She will always consider the daughter in law as beneath her. Many times, she will even claim that her daughter in law is not good enough for her son. Her arrogance actually stems from her deep underlying inferiority complex. This is exactly why she acts superior all the time. Having an arrogant mother in law can be demeaning at so many levels.
5.) The evolved mother in law
An evolved mother in law is a woman who is secure and independent enough to not just accept a new member of her family but also respect her. She will be intellectually bright as an individual and will truly understand the meaning of starting a new life and having one’s own space. She is the best kind of mother in law to have. If you have such a mother in law, you have surely hit the jackpot. A type of evolved mother in law is like a jackpot for mother in law dealing guide.
How to deal with mother in law
The sad part is we don’t get to choose one but we need to understand the one we got to find ways to make things easy for us. The more at ease you are with any kind of mother in law, the better it will be for you. Don’t stress yourself out unnecessarily. Changing people’s behavior isn’t in your hands. But inspiring them to change theirs surely is.
We are often forced to respect and oblige whatever our in laws say or do but expecting elders does not mean that we overlook the flaws of our elders. On the contrary, we should help them become better human beings. Unless we know their flaws, how can we possibly resolve issues and let go of negativity?
The most effective way to deal with the difficult people in your life is by NOT dealing with them at all. Yes, you read it right. You will only end up getting more frustrated, irritable, and lose your patience. Situations like this will only result in more arguments and will give reason to your in laws to point their fingers at you. Then, How to deal with arrogant in laws? Scroll down and read, as I provide ten useful ways to deal with arrogant in laws and balance positivity in your life.
|1.) How to deal with disrespectful mother in law
One of the major challenges of marriage is staying with in laws and maintaining a healthy environment in the house. When there are a bunch of different people staying in a single house, it is bound to result in contradicting situations. Maintain a healthy boundary, give space, and create your space right from the beginning. Your mother in law could be disrespectful but one cannot command respect but maintain a safe place for yourself so you are not treated disrespectfully.
|2.) How to deal with an arrogant mother in law
The most disheartening situation with in laws occurs when you are trying to make things even, trying to talk and clear things and again you both end up in the heated-up argument. It happens right, because we do not listen and we stress on proving our point, proving that I am right, you are wrong. In the end, it all goes waste. Her arrogancy towards you doesn’t let her think clearly. The best way to avoid any such situation is to refer your past experience and your personal instincts here. If you are determined and you feel that, you can make a difference this time then go ahead and if even a single thought of doubt crops in your mind then kindly refrain, think about your mental peace.
|3.) How to deal with an insecure mother in law
Right from the day you enter their son’s life, they see you as a woman who stole their son. It is all preconceived notions, a certification that every daughter in law receives without even acquiring such great skills. How to deal with arrogant in laws who are also hateful and insecure with their son’s wife? The old belief systems are so strong that even when we try to give our best to remove such toxic thoughts from the minds of our in laws, 90% of the time we fail miserably. They are insecure and they will be, accept it and leave the thought of changing them, concentrate on your behavior and positive approach.
|4.) How to deal with a problematic mother in law
The best way to avoid any unpleasant situation is to step out of it. Withdraw and step back. It will not make you a loser or a weak person; Rather, it will help you think and then act. Not every action needs your immediate reaction, remember this. Especially when you are dealing with your mother in law you need to be cautious that you do not end up being the center of the mess created by her. Most of the decisions taken in a fit of rage are the ones we regret later and unfortunately, we do not have an undo button in our life. Step back, shut it down for a while, and come back when you can talk with more assertion and clarity. It will help both the members to mellow down.
|5.) How to deal with a controlling mother in law
You can’t win over a controlling freak and how much are you going to hold up inside your heart and mind? It will ache badly and the worst part is nobody will ever notice it and understand the amount of pain you are carrying inside you while you smile from outside. It will only lead to a lot of mental distress, which will affect your daily routine and your physical health. Learn to let go of everything you have been holding on to for a while, your in laws are arrogant and ignorant towards you and if you keep on holding grudges you are doing the same with yourself. Apart from your family members, your spouse, your children your duty involves taking care of yourself too. Do not forget that.
In the end, I would say we all have been through it and somehow we have either made peace with them or with ourselves. I have made peace with myself and gave up on the whole idea of pleasing my mother in law and proving that I am not what she thinks I am but it never worked.
I have freed myself from the validation and expectations and it felt lighter. I wanted to be an ideal daughter in law but I could not strike the chord and my attempts only made things worse. You cannot make everyone happy, you cannot be loved by everyone, the day you will accept this and give up on the whole idea of proving things and picking up arguments you will find solace. The only way inward is to shut the outward flow of negative energy. I hope this mother in law dealing guide helps someone and they take charge of their life. Stay healthy!
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.