Can a good marriage fix anxiety? Has this question popped into your mind, if you are someone who has severe anxiety issues?
Sometimes we feel that bumping into someone special might help us overcome our weakness or any mental trauma we had in past, a new relationship is capable of filling new colors in your life, but is marriage all about finding a good partner?
In this blog, we will discuss what are other factors responsible for a good marriage and how can a good marriage fix anxiety and give us a happy life.
Can a good marriage fix anxiety?
There is this famous Indian proverb that says, Marriage is like a desert, the one who eats it regret it, and the one who doesn’t, repent it. So I think there is much more to a good marriage. It is when two people decide to accept each other irrespective of their weaknesses or shortcomings.
Now just imagine a person who is having mental health issues like generalized anxiety, might think that finding the right partner will help them fix their life and overcome their anxiety. But marriage is an ongoing affair, a daily duty where both the partners should work equally to protect and care for each other, how many of us do this for our partners? We get irritated, we feel bored with the daily mood swings and then we even engage in arguments, now the anxiety level will only increase in such cases.
Finding the right partner can definitely help to work on your anxiety issues but sustaining your relationship despite any mental distress is the real challenge couples face in their marriage. So can a good marriage fix anxiety, certainly yes if:
|1.) Your partner takes your mental stature into consideration while dealing with you
Things change when you get married, it is a different thing when you are dating someone with anxiety but when you are married to someone with anxiety, you know you are expected to be more sensitive and considerate. Are you willing to take that plunge? This is the question for you to answer yourselves. How far can a person go to make things easy and smooth for the ones they love is the journey you need to explore.
Hence if you are ready to take the mental stature of your partner into the consideration while persuading them then things should be fine, but let me remind you when one is occupied with so much daily routine work, job, family stress then it happens that we often forget these things and act as per the situation which results in unhealthy experiences.
|2.) If you draw healthy boundaries in relationships
Yes, because every relationship needs it. We all talk about giving and getting some personal space but we forget that it is not about the space, it is about drawing some healthy boundaries, a certain level of the coping mechanism when things become difficult to deal with.
If you are going through an episode of anxiety or panic attack, it is possible that your partner won’t be able to relate to it and might also think of it as overreaction from your side, so instead of picking up arguments and fights. You can always draw a line in communication where you both choose to give each other a moment to process things and get back when you are ready to talk and understand things.
|3.) If you and your partner have talked about it
You have known each other for a while and in spite of your anxiety issues, your partner has decided to get married to you and live a happy life with you. Now you should talk once about and tell them the effects it might have and what level of support you might be needing from them. Prepare them and see what they say.
Not because someday you could say that “I had told you” but to rule out any possible problem occurring between you two because of the mental distress. Anxiety or any other mental illness could be temporary, could go away after a few weeks or months but sometimes it stays a little longer and that is when you need real support.
|4.) If you are willing to make a difference in your life
Can a bad marriage cause anxiety or can a good marriage fix anxiety? Yes, if you are willing to give a chance to yourself, yes if you decide to be a little soft towards you, yes if you choose a journey inward. We all go through a lot of mess in our lives and few incidents prove to have a deep impact on our decision-making abilities in life forever. We judge our future based on our past experiences and we run away from any possibility which might work for us.
If we want to make a difference in our lives then we need to see beyond things and be ready for new things in life, any possibility which could bring a positive changing your life, it could be anything, not only a marriage but you need to be open.
|5.) If you are ready to let go of things beyond your control
There are things which we can control, our anger, our resentment, our guilt, and then there are things way beyond our control, other ‘s behavior, their attitude, their decisions. If you find someone who is willing to marry you even after seeing you in a bad phase and knowing your mental state, then hold that person. Learn to let go of things that caused you trouble in the past and make space for new things.
After marriage it could also be the case that your in laws might trouble you because of your anxiety issues, there you need to understand that not everyone will be able to relate to your fears, worries, anxiety or any distress. Shed the burden of expectations and learn to let go.
How to deal with your partner’s anxiety and set relationship goals?
If you have been into a relationship with someone with anxiety issues, by now you know how anxiety looks like or feels to the one. So what role you could play to help your partner in overcoming their anxiety issues? Can a good marriage fix anxiety or could a little bit of insensitivity ruin it completely? If you have decided to take the plunge and joined your partner in their struggle and make things easy for them with your support, you deserve a pat on your back.
Just take things in your stride and trust me the road ahead will be easy for you and your partner. In the end, I believe we all want a happy married life, which is not a myth, it is us, the partners who instead of holding each other’s back, stop caring and give up on each other.
|1. Think before you speak
|2. Pause and reflect
|3. Have some me-time
|4. Listen mindfully
|5. Be present
|6. Seek professional help if needed
1. Think before you speak
Your partner might be having a burnout, feeling jittery, and panicky. You may not find it reasonable and say things that will only pull all the triggers and things blow out of proportion for both of you. Don’t do that please, I understand we unconsciously and unknowingly say things we don’t mean but a person who is dealing with such issues takes everything at heart and overthinks about it, which will only make it worse.
2. Pause and reflect
It is quite natural and easy to lose your cool when you feel overwhelmed and fail to understand something. Before you yell, shout or scream at your partner for not attending the public gathering with you or a family dinner, try to talk first, many problems could be sorted out simply by talking politely and respectfully but we humans are programmed in a manner that we choose the other way round and forget the consequences of our words.
3. Have some me-time
Mini vacation, weekend trips, or wellness retreats are the best escape from daily life’s difficulties. From time to time, you both should go out for small vacations, weekend getaways, or a long trip if possible, it will help to re-kindle, reunite and rejuvenate. Sometimes things look really tough when we stay in a constant negative zone, step out of it for a while, work can wait, other things can be re-scheduled but your health and relationship should be your priority.
4. Listen mindfully
Staying mindful means to see things as it is, without questioning or judging it. How to deal with a partner suffering from anxiety? Be mindful and an active listener first. Most of the time we just hear and we do not listen and try to understand those unsaid words and underlying emotions, be an active listener and maybe that is all needed for the given moment.
5. Be present
So you planned to stay together for life, how about fixing things together? Life could be a beautiful thing to rejoice, right? Leaving all the logic, reasoning, and questions, how about understanding the underlying issue and think about a coping mechanism? A mechanism that will not only help your partner but also help your marriage to sustain beautifully.
6. Seek professional help if needed
Because you need a doctor when you are physically unwell likewise you need a doctor when you are mentally unhealthy, not a big deal. If you feel things have gone beyond your control and your partner’s anxiety issues are making your day-to-day life difficult to deal with, you can certainly seek couple counseling or marriage counseling. Sometimes when seeing things from someone’s else perspective and unbiased views we understand things in a better form and that clarity is indeed needed in such a case, so take your call and intervene early.
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.