Reasons why daughters in law should speak up and stand for themselves even if they have to stand alone. Girls are very less encouraged to speak for themselves as compared to boys.
In our society, we will see hardly any female standing up for the things she believes in and for her own rights, when she does she is labeled and judged by our very own society. The more we encourage girls to speak and use their own voice the more we preserve self-esteem in them and make them ready to independently stand for themselves.
In this blog, let us discuss a few crucial reasons why daughters in law should speak up and take charge of their life.
Reasons why daughters in law should speak up
“The voice is a fundamentally important tool we use to connect our inner and outer worlds — to make it possible for people to know our thoughts and feelings,” said Anea Bogue, self-esteem expert and author from Los Angeles who specializes in working with females of all ages. But we are liked and loved only till the time we speak in favor of things, just when we ride against the tide and put a different point of view or opine differently we are sidelined.
In the case of daughter in laws, it becomes all the worse as they are often treated as an outsider in the family and they hardly have any hearsay. If you are well-educated and a working daughter in law then you will be perceived as over smart and someone who likes to boast if you are someone who is less qualified and homemaker then your ignorant in laws might have a different picture of you, where they see you as naive and unknown to the outside world.
In general discussion and things that do not involve you, it is ok to stay quiet and not interfere but what about the topics which concern you and affect you? Will you still stay quiet? I am not attempting to invoke anybody here, but I am putting a valid point with which every daughter in law would resonate.
There are times when you want to speak up but you are so forcefully bound with your customs, traditions, family values that you suppress your inner voice and suffocate yourself. But there are times when we need to speak out and put our views in front of in laws. Now the reasons why daughters in law should speak up, could vary from person to person depending upon their family situation, but speaking up becomes important at times, and here is why:
14 Crucial Reasons why Daughters in Law Should Speak Up
In a country where the Supreme Court has passed such a judgment that daughter in laws should be treated as a family member and NOT a servant” and given the respect and perks, love and affection as given to other family members, just imagine how critical this issue is, and then we are expected not to speak out. When we do, our in-laws create problems. Now, let me share 14 crucial reasons why daughters in law should speak up.
|1.) To stand for yourself|
|2.) To be independent|
|3.) To feel free to think|
|4.) To be able to make decisions|
|5.) To be able to prevent damage|
|6.) To see change be the change|
|7.) To promote equality|
|8.) To adhere to rights|
|9.) To voice out|
|10.) To set example|
|11.) To claim family space|
|12.) To preserve your identity|
|13.) To prevent your sanity|
|14.) To enable others to speak|
1.) To stand for yourself
To speak for yourself is to stand for yourself, to stand for things you believe are right and when you choose to stand for things you believe are right, you might not be welcomed, your self-esteem will be tarnished and you will be brutally made unacceptable by your disrespectful in laws.
2.) To be independent
I would like to independent and take care of my shit on my own and for that, I need to speak up. If I have done something wrong, I will clean it and if my in laws have messed up with me, I need to make it a point that I make few things clear to set healthy boundaries.
3.) To feel free to think
The biggest dilemma a daughter in law faces after getting married is to lose out her freedom of thoughts, her view, her opinions, where did they just go? When she is invisible to the family members for whom she cooks and takes care of their day-to-day needs. Living with in laws is not a bad thing but just serving them like mechanically is.
4.) To be able to make decisions
You speak up when you know the consequences, when you have the solution or when you trust your instincts. Speak up if you feel you can contribute to solving a problem, not necessarily ti will be admired or appreciated but maybe it will help others to think in a different direction.
5.) To be able to prevent damage
You listen, you choose to keep quiet and your narcissistic mother in law takes you for granted. This becomes a cycle, a pattern, which bothers you, you feel suffocated but think a lot before speaking. Speak up to prevent further damage, someday you will have to. One of the major reasons why daughters in law should speak up, do not depend upon their spouse, take their stand.
6.) To see change be the change
You don’t want your daughter to go through the same mental torture as you are going. Same insult and humiliation like you are facing daily? Then speak up, Maintain a polite distance from your in-laws, avoid getting into arguments and be assertive with your views. Let them label you, name you, judge you, they are going to do it anyway.
7.) To promote equality
If your biased sister in law has the right to speak in the family discussions then why are you left out from it? When your husband is part of family conversations why the tone changes when you enter the room. You are a family member too and you will be a part of the family, then why is expecting equal treatment such a big deal in our society?
8.) To adhere to rights
Yes, as daughters in law we have our rights too. We were daughters before we got married, we had a different life before becoming a daughter in law, and in laws expect us to change overnight and forget our identity? It is our basic right to be treated as a family member irrespective of our caste, religion, and family status because that’s how in laws usually decide how to treat a girl whom they get married to their own son, what an irony?
9.) To voice out
If you to make few things clear speak up, if you want to set boundaries to speak up, if you had enough of the domination and insults, speak up. Unless you speak up and let them know their boundaries they will continue to be the arrogant version of in laws who will leave no chance to belittle you.
10.) To set example
Either you lead by example or set an example. I had followed my mom’s example of pleasing everybody but it didn’t work with my in laws, rather I was labeled as a sugar-coated knife. I exploded once that too backfired and I got labeled as a drama queen. Now I voice out, I speak up for myself. If they cannot accept me it is their problem, not mine. For how long I will wait for their love and acceptance? I have let it go.
11.) To claim family space
Another crucial one out of the reasons why daughters in law should speak up. Now when you are married to their son, his family is your family too. You do a few things, say few words, opine and suggest things out of regular stuff one does in a family with family members, but I don’t know what happens with in laws that they take it in the other way most of the times, thinking you are going to rule their space, snatch their son, I mean it is 2020, we are capable enough to make our own space, we don’t have to do it like your way the dear mother in law.
12.) To preserve your identity
Our identity is not of a daughter in law alone, daughters in law are not meant to serve food and care and in return get insulted. They are meant to be loved, appreciated, cared and respected equally like other family members. Speak out when you feel you are being taken for granted.
13.) To prevent your sanity
The most important point one out of the reasons why daughters in law should speak up. We all want and pray for peace and harmony of our house, prosperity, and success for our family members. But who prays for us? Who will think about our own sanity? And without a sane mind, how will we be able to take care of others? Speak up to prevent your sanity and let nothing affect your inner self.
14.) To enable others to speak
If you have a sister in law in the house who is going through the same phase and is troubled and disturbed as you, then you should take care of each other, unite. I am not asking to strike war against your in laws but it is always better to stick to someone who is facing the same problem from the same source and watch each other’s back.
I think I have said enough, honestly out of my personal experiences I have felt that if you are trapped with toxic in laws then please reclaim your lost space because the evolved ones are hard to find and the toxic ones hardly evolve. We daughters in law are blamed for everything happening in our house, and for everything wrong happening in the house right from somebody’s ill health to a loss in business or any other financial loss as if it is written somewhere that daughters in law are a sign of good/bad luck.
Why do such people get their sons married in the first place? How they don’t feel ashamed of asking dowry and comparing their own daughter in law with others? Why they don’t hesitate to demean her for her looks, skin color and even weight/height in family functions in front of other relatives, and just when we speak up, things explode. You become a certified bad, uncultured, ungrateful daughter in law.
In the end, I would say you will be troubled even when you don’t speak up so it is better to set boundaries and stay away from such in laws who cannot see things as it, who cannot accept you, and act responsibly. Take charge of your life and stay sane.
Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.